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Notable decrease in intelligence in the past year

Posted by TF on September 21, 2003, at 17:34:53

Hi,

For the past year or so, I've noticed a very drastic change in my mental capacity. I have a very short attention span, so I'll at least try to keep this coherent, though the way I thread sentences and paragraphs together might seem confusing. Also, my memory is a little fragmented, so I may list things as happening in the incorrect chronological order. ALso, my mental fatigue makes it hard to write for any length of time, so bear with me... It's bound to get ugly toward the end. If you want any clarification or for me to fill in blanks, just ask. I'll prolly update this later when I'm at full capacity.

First some personal info: I'm 22 and haven't yet gone to college full time. I've been in and out of jobs for the three and a half years that I've been out of high school (the longest I've held onto a single job was from the fall of 2000 to february of 2001). DUring that time I got into creative writing, and found that I was pretty good at it. My skill improved over time, but after I lost my first job, My interest deteriorated (which, I guess, is understandable, since an unbalanced lifestyle can lead to burnout). Gradually, I became less and less involved in writing, to the point where it was difficult to start sentences and paragraphs, or to thread written thoughts together. I even had some trouble reading other peoples' writing.

But, as I mentioned, the real drop in my mental capacity didn't come until this past year, last fall to be exact. It started with what I think were a series of panic attacks. At first I thought it was something with my heart or lungs, where I would get palpatations just from lying down and trying to go to sleep. Eventually they got so bad that when I would feel myself sinking into sleep, I would force myself awake, thinking I was going to die. So I went crazy researching on the internet and looking for my symptoms, thinking I had everything from west nile virus, and testicular cancer, to a thyroid disorder.

I went to the doctor to rule all of these out, and find out a possible cause, but after a few tests to rule out certain causes, they passed me off as psychosomatic. For a few weeks after that, things were fine.

One night, when I was sitting at the computer, I had an electric flash dart across my field of vision, which almost felt like a light bulb exploding next to my face. For some reason I felt very sick, and mentally fatigued. The next few weeks my senses were dominated by terrible headaches. Not the kind where you get a sharp pain or a dull throbbing, but feeling as though my brain was simmering in certain parts. I would get nausious and dizzy during these headaches (and sometimes when the headaches weren't there) My coordination began to decline, as well as my focus and ability for abstract thinking.

I started researching my symptoms on the internet again, and new conditions popped up: Lyme disease, CSF leak (I had a drainage at the back of my throat), colloidal cyst, etc....

I went to the doctor again but, short of giving me an mri or other scan, she couldn't really tell me anything difinitive (I didn't have insurance, so going to a nuerologist wasn't an option). All she did was give me a perscription for medication that is made to suppress cluster headaches (which is the type that she said I had).

After a month or two and no improvement, I began having serious trouble reading and comprehending things that were once intuitive for me. It's like I couldn't activate my internal movie projector... I dunno, that's the best way I can describe it. So I went back, and she did another half-baked checkup, taking my blood pressure and other things. When I asked if it might be anxiety she just shrugged, and offered to give me some free samples of zoloft to see if it helped.

I had been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder back when I was in my senior year of High school, and took prozac following my graduation. It (the prozac) actually helped in preventing destructive and distracting thoughts from entering my mind. It's residual effects (Since I came off it after a few weeks of getting my first job) probably helped me keep the first job longer than I had any other since. But I don't want to tangenize too much... I'll let you know about my experiences with the job, prozac and late high school some other time.

The zoloft helped a bit with my confidence problems, but not with the things that were bothering me (mental fog, loss of attention span, lost ability to recover memories/words and poor reaction time). I came off the zoloft after a few weeks (cold turkey, but I hadn't been on too long, though I realise now that it was a mistake.) By christmas I felt my mind had truly croaked, and I would never be as sharp, observant, and witty as I was before. I could barely read without hitting a mental block.

And that's where I pretty much am right now, still not sure what to do. This condition has brought my life to a standstill, though I know I should look for another job. I just don't feel like humiliating myself with my own stupidity and sort of 'misrepresenting' myself.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:TF thread:262239
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/262239.html