Posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2003, at 18:06:48
In reply to Re: Please help..feeling really confused.. » fallsfall, posted by Adia on September 6, 2003, at 12:14:58
Adia,
The weekends are the worst. I know that my therapist didn't check her voice mail over the weekend (she didn't have email). So if I didn't get in touch with her during the week, I had to wait until Monday. I could call for emergency help, but the different therapists shared weekend and night coverage, so I probably wouldn't speak to her.
As I would try to get through the weekend, I would think about what she would say, or what I would say. The more I thought about it, the more upset I would get. Sometimes something would happen in a session, and I would hope that she would be worried, or want to say that she was sorry. I would wait for her to call, but she didn't call.
It is hard to distract yourself from these things, but I really think that it helps. Sitting in front of the computer is deadly. You need to be out of the house if you can, doing something with friends maybe. If you are going to stay home, then do something that forces you to concentrate. Read a book, watch a movie. Choose something that will keep your mind busy - it will make the time pass faster.
You wrote: I feel I am not ready or would not be able to get through that...I don't want to lose her...I've been crying so much because I really don't want to lose her...
I realize I shouldn't need her so much..but she's been with me through so much. No one had ever accepted me knowing all of me. No one had ever cared the way she did. No one had ever wanted to do me good and help me and know my heart.
I feel that no one will accept me the way she accepts me...I could have written every one of those words. To finally be understood. To be accepted, flaws and all. To feel safe and taken care of. I often felt like the 18 month old baby who goes off to explore something and then comes back to her mother's knee to refuel before going off again. My therapist was that knee for me.
I truly hope that you and your therapist can work things out and continue on your journey. I know how hard it is to change therapists - there is so much the new therapist needs to know so that they can understand, and you have to develop a trust in the new therapist. It is very hard. If you can stay with your current therapist then you will feel much more secure.
I just ask you to consider that if, for some reason, you can't work things out with her that, if she could treat you that way, there is probably somebody else out there who could also take care of you. You certainly wouldn't want to look for anyone else if you didn't have to, but I truly believe that she isn't the ONLY person in the world who could help you.
Would you survive? You don't sound like a quitter to me. It sounds like you are very aware of what is going on around you and what it means. You showed a certain amount of initiative and creativity by posting here. I think it would be hard. I don't think you want to do it. But I think that if you had no choice, that you would survive. I hope that you don't have to go through that.
I think that there were times when I believed that I would not live without her, but I was wrong. Human beings are quite resilient. And there are many talented and caring therapists out there to help us on our way.
So, go have some fun. Do something distracting. (My favorite is to eat ice cream - I had some this afternoon)
poster:fallsfall
thread:257321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/257667.html