Posted by Dinah on July 30, 2003, at 4:06:34
In reply to Re: Therapist Vacations, posted by fallsfall on July 29, 2003, at 22:52:57
I'm glad you reached a compromise that satisfied both of you, Fallsfall. Did he say what the difference to him is between a letter and a phone message?
I'm proud of you for asking for what you needed. My therapist and I had a rotten session Monday, over a misunderstanding arising from my asking once for something and when he didn't answer, assuming that it was something I shouldn't have asked for. Then I shut down completely. We finally found out he just hadn't heard my request for reassurance. But it led to a productive (or it will probably be productive someday) discussion of my reluctance to ask for what I need in my intense fear of being told no. He said he'd rather I ask than just never get what I wanted for fear of rejection.
We did some tying in of that to my childhood history. But the odd thing is that my son, who to my knowledge has not had an invalidating background, is even worse about this than I am. For the longest time, he wouldn't tell us what he wanted for breakfast, for example, until we had told him what he could have. Because asking for cheerios and being told no was worse than not having any chance of getting cheerios. He's gotten better, and we've been congratulating ourselves in our great parenting. But the truth is that he's just figured out how to ask for things he's positive he can get. Mom, may I have three skittles and a hershey's kiss for my dessert? Very reasonable requests. Maybe there's just a gene out there relating to fear of rejection.
All apropos of nothing except my admiration that you were able to ask for what you wanted. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:244934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030711/msgs/246696.html