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Re: How is it going? Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on July 28, 2003, at 14:53:24

In reply to Re: How is it going? Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on July 8, 2003, at 23:55:37

Hi Dinah..thanks for inquiring; I was actually away on a month-long hiking trip across the north coast of Iceland with my husband, and just saw your post. I can't resist putting in a word about Iceland- it's got to be one of the most beautiful places in the world. There are fjords, with water changing from blue to green to purple as the clouds go by, intensely green valleys, with lovely rivers flowing through them, farms with little Icelandic horses all over, many flowers and birds, volcanic formations with pools of hot water where people swim even in the winter, and enormous icecaps. If you go out whalewatching, you really do see whales- we saw hundreds of orcas (free Willys) jumping right out of the water, and one one-hundred foot long blue whale- a thrilling sight, as there are only about 1000 left in the world. The weather there was usually in the 50's or 60's, and each day usually had some rain, but briefly. The people are great, too- informal and friendly. There are only about 260,000 Icelanders, all descendants of Vikings- most adults still have red, golden, or sometimes even golden-white hair, rather than the kind that gets dark.

Well, to get back to the topic at hand- it was very hard to leave my analyst for such a long period of time. He said to do whatever would help me remember and miss him- that that was much better than feeling that he had somehow disappeared out of my life. So I said, anxiously, that it would help me to send him a postcard, but that I was afraid that might be a "boundary crossing". He gave such an interesting answer- he said that analysts now think that "crossings", as opposed to " violations" are an important part of therapy, on both the patient's and the therapist's part. I had never heard of that, and asked him to explain why, He replied that patients miss out on having as intense and full a relationship with their therapists as they could have if there are never any small benign "crossings" So, wouldn't you know, I sent him a postcard every two days (and had to use a lot of self-restraint on the in-between days)!

When I got back, he gave me such a warm welcome, coming all the way out into the waiting room to shake my hand! He said a bit later that he was glad that I felt secure enough to send all those cards, and that he thought the places I had gone were beautiful!

Well, since then, we have entered into an entirely different aspect of the transference. The rage and fear have calmed down a lot, although they definitely do make re-appearances. I mostly lie down on the couch now, and seem to enter a sort of dream-like, regressed state. He feels so close, both physically and emotionally, and although we are not always speaking, when we do, his voiced is very quiet and tender. It doesn't feel like he's doing this because it would be a good idea; rather, he is free-associating silently along with me, and using his own emotional reponses as I am experiencing this incredibly wonderful reparenting, and his responses come from what is occurring between us. It's absolutely real on both sides- I feel sure of that.

I have scanned this board and see that there are some wonderful conversations about this very topic- I'm looking forward to reading them more carefully.





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