Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2003, at 21:44:04
I have been looking over the notes to myself and letters to my therapist that I wrote since starting therapy eight years ago. It's fascinating.
I can see how I explained things then, and how I explain them now. I see the differences and the similarities. But mainly I see how much progress I've made in knowing how I feel. It's amazing to see my notes from the early years. I talk about not knowing for days what I'm feeling or thinking about something. I talk about even then having to guess a bit. Now I know what I'm feeling, and can figure out why pretty quickly!
The early notes read like business agendas. Very analytical and detached about what was going on inside of me. I couldn't have said at that point that I was sad or mad or glad. It would have come out in a very circuitous and emotionally dry report.
I can see how really troubled my relationship with my therapist was at one time. It's astonishing that we made it through at all, much less as well as we have. I wonder if it was changes in me that made the difference, or accomodations by him?
I saw all the medical notes I requested from prior pdocs. I wonder if I still have constricted affect?
It was just sort of interesting seeing my progress (very slow progress, granted) over that time period. And my slightly, but not as much as I had thought, different ways of conceiving my problems. In fact, I say a lot of the same things but in different language. So my occasional worries that some of my problems are iatrogenic (do I have that right? created by therapy?) are allayed.
poster:Dinah
thread:233322
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/233322.html