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Re: Forever therapy

Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2003, at 9:56:46

In reply to Re: Forever therapy- Noa Dinah mair, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2003, at 7:59:22

I saw my therapist yesterday and I am still alive to write about it. My homework was to make a list of the needs that she satisfies (describe the way in which I am dependent). I was terrified - terrified that I would be right and terrified that I would be wrong and she would think I was an idiot (she found that funny in an endearing kind of way - she hasn't thought me an idiot in 8 years, why would she start now?).

The needs go like this: I need her to verify my worth - my goodness. I used to define my worth by what I accomplished (work, kids, ice skating). But these days I don't accomplish anything, so I look to her for my worth. If she were gone, I would be neither good nor bad - I would be empty. I would have no self because my self is defined by her. I would have no goals or future because I had no self. I would be worthless because I would have no self, so I would be unable to do anything.

She was clearly impressed by the work that I had done. She seemed to be in agreement. She said that to create/find (?) myself that I need to get out in the world. That messages from the world would help me define who I am. It seems strange that something so simple (getting a life) could fix something so fundamental.

She had also presented my case to her peer supervision group - I guess I'm her problem child. They suggested reducing to every other week in September. They also said that if I am still this distressed in September that I should switch therapists (I agree with that).

For now, I am keeping my mind busy so I can't think. I read Psychology books that I get at the University library. If I let my mind think, I cry.

Somehow I don't think I'll get my forever therapy.

Thanks for listening




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