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Re: How do you handle social situations like this?

Posted by paxvox on April 7, 2003, at 19:02:28

In reply to How do you handle social situations like this?, posted by WorryGirl on April 6, 2003, at 18:23:54

Young one,

Are you getting ANY medical help? Clonazepam and Paxil seem to do very well for this sort of social "insecurity" for lack of a better word.

My wife had to be hospitalized for a week this past December. It was terribly tough for me, but she was having suicidal ideations. I am no stranger to "mental illness" having enjoyed it for the past 12 years or so. There were times I probably SHOULD have been hospitalized, because to be honest with you, the thought of checking out passes most of our minds when we feel terribly desperate. I have been there. But to try and answer your question. My wife still resents that she had to go to the hospital, and feels as if I forced her to do so, althought it was a self-admit. I DID encourage her to do it. She has not really gotten a whole lot out of the experience. For a few weeks I thought we had a breakthrough, like the movie "Awakenings", but, alas, she has slipped back into her darkness. She has problems talking to people that knew she was there. She has turned her back on her friend that tipped me off that she was making the statements to (as if she had been betrayed by her as well). Hey, call me stupid, but someone who is willing to risk their friendship, or even their marriage, to keep someone else from killing themselves does not need to be treated as the "enemy". Why not just load the gun?

How are YOU going to get back into the "world"? I guess I would have to know a whole lot more about your specifics. But the question I would proffer you is "Do you WANT to be well?" Gee, sounds so elementary doesn't it? It is not, by any means. Some of us become so used to our lives of crap because that is what we know, and we are AFRAID of the unknown. So we sit in our known evil afraid of other unknown possibilities, becasue they might be worse. Will they be? Who can tell. Gotten used to where you are? Want to stay there, or do you want to be well? It IS a tough choice that some never make. My wife has lived in her hell since she was 9 years old (47 now). Why? Because to face the demons of her past is just too painful for her, so she has become accustomed to her "crap", because it is what she knows. I hold out hope that one day she will pick up her mat and walk out. You sound like it may not be too late for your escape. Do it NOW while you still can. Make the break, get whatever help it requires. Damn what the world or your friends and family think if you have to be hospitalized. Let them slip on your shoes for just a few steps. It might be as simple as a medication issue, let's hope so. But if you are NOT getting the meds you need, find someone who will help you. It may take some guts, but do you want to be well?


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