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Re: Who runs this life? Me or therapist? Tabitha

Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2003, at 4:05:08

In reply to Who runs this life? Me or therapist?, posted by Tabitha on March 19, 2003, at 3:46:49


Have you discussed these things with her the way you've outlined them here with us (it kind of sounds like you have).

All relationships go through rocky patches, and while that may be true here, it sounds more and more like you've just grown in a different direction from her strengths. I hate to see you so unhappy about something that is supposed to be a support.

I've found, and perhaps you are finding too, that therapists have a bias towards keeping "productive". Mine thinks that my job is good for me, which in some ways it is, and tends to minimize the ways that it's not. I try not to think that it's because my job is paying his bills. I try to think that it is because one of their prime directives is to keep us functional in the world, which by the world's standards includes gainfully employment and the more gainful the better. I'm guessing if you suggested trying for a job of equal or greater stature, she'd be all for it.

I think they have this little checklist they run through when evaluating how we're doing. Are we managing to work? Are we keeping up on our personal grooming? Are we keeping our primary relationships afloat? A very utilitarian view.

But I understand from my reading that there are some therapists who are more quality of life oriented, who might applaud your taking a sabbatical to assess your options and get out of a situation that is toxic for you.

I wonder how you phrase that in a therapist interview question.

However, I understand your concern about maintaining your current supports while your life is changing so dramatically. It's a tough one.

I wish I had more productive thoughts on the issue, and I hope you can work this out (assuming that that's what you want to do.)




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