Posted by alexandra_k on December 10, 2018, at 23:32:08
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by alexandra_k on December 10, 2018, at 23:19:20
there isn't.
people try it on when they say that there are things i can do to make people want to help me.
the only way to make people want to help you is to revise what it is that you want to do until you are doing what it is that they want you to do.
the only way my supervisor would have wanted to help me finish in a timely fashion was if i had have done what she said and submitted late. and then it wouldn't have gotten processed in time but it would have been my fault because i submitted it late. but she would have really wanted to help me only she couldn't have done anything for me because i submitted it late.
that kind of help.
someone from... somewhere... said that it was a shame that x (someone i know who is maaori) wasn't completed and given a job. he's bright and he's keen and he's actually really talented and kind and generous of spirit and everyone knows this... and over the years he spent years and years and years and years and years on his phd. he had periods of such awful black dark hole where he was not at all productive. he also had lots of personal health problems (cancer and he's got heart problems from the rheumatic fever complications). anyway...
my advisor was like 'he did finish his phd and if he wants a job he needs a couple publications - same as everyone else'.
and i pointed out he'd likely die of heart failure before nz pays him his very own personal living wage. (he's been supported by partners for a while now -- finding a partner to support him has had to have been a fairly high priority for him for much of his life in addition to everything else)...
and she just didn't get it. just doesn't get it.
he should have had a hand to get it handed in in 3 years. a phd is 3 years. he started out writing and working and full of passion and hope. and instead of them going 'great' and 'make x concrete change, great now move on' and so on... instead of sheparding him through they went 'rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish' until they shut him down. until he started doing that to himself and then they could blame him for his own unproductivity.
simlarly with the publications. someone could take a direct... this bit and this bit and this bit and i'll do this bit... proactive approach with him. help shepard him along... so he internalises that...
but instead the 'help' is only shutting him down.
because at the end of the day... you have these people earning what they earn... these people who apparently don't have time to work with their research students (not that i'm complaining) because they are too busy with undergraduae teaching... who choose not to reliably contract that work out to others (such as him) so that those others might also have a living wage.
she does seem to genuinely care for him.
so i don't quite get the double consciousness.
i don't know what it is.
i am so angry that philosophy became overrun with bullies. back when i used to love it i saw people with integrity and professionalism... not all... but some...
i see less now...
bullies.
how am in supposed to handle myself in all this?
given the whole 'just one more year of we'll take your money' b*llsh*t. i mean... at what point do i call b*llsh*t.
and what does calling b*llsh*t amount to.
killing myself?
?
i don't see a way.
in this country...
it is a political thing...
i just don't see a way to pursue my ends.
and i dont want to live if i can't pursue my ends.
my ends are not the ends of a sadist (requring others to give up their ends)
but the ends of most others who seem to be honored are the ends of the sadist (which among other things involve me givnig up my ends)
i dont know what to do.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1102325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20181106/msgs/1102378.html