Posted by Cyndi Michelle on May 14, 2012, at 22:14:39
This is a follow-up to my previous article "Finding Happiness".
I have previously reported being depressed most of my life but that isn't 100% accurate. My moods have always fluctuated up and down but most memories are of the agonizing depression. I have a mood disorder. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (but I'm not sure if I agree with it!).
I had years of very depressed moods (with suicide ideations). In 1992 a doctor recommended that I see a counslor and I did. I was started on an antidepressant, which maybe helped some but I didn't follow through with further counsling. For a few years, my moods continued to go up and down. When I was depressed, I would seek out help but still only for medication. A couple times, I was admitted to psych wards (for a week or 2). But still did not follow through with psychotherapy. I still at this point had not been diagnosed with any kind of mood disorder and also at this time didn't really comprehend that what I was going through was not normal and was actually an illness.
In 2002, I had a severe depression episode with a suicide attempt (which was almost a success as I was coded and put on life support for 3 days). I was sent to a mental institute and was there for 3 months. I started psychotherapy, I had 9 rounds of ECT, and of course put on a variety of psychotropic meds. They diagnosed me with Bipolar (but, as I said, I am still not 100% on this diagnosis-but that is OK. It really doesn't matter.). I was put on disability (SSDI) and when released, I continued with my psycotherapy.
I was on SSDI and in psychotherapy for the following 4 years. I learned alot during that time. I learned about a variety of mental illnesses, causes, medications and other treatments; about my own mental illness; and also many ways/techniques to control my thoughts, feelings and my moods.
I was finally feeling pretty good about myself and my life so I went back to work and for the most part, I've been great- happy!!!
For the last 1 1/2 yrs, I have been psychotropic med(s) free (except for a low-dose of daily Prozac). Sure my moods still fluctuate up and down but not as severely as they did and not for as long as they did. I am in control or at least in check with my thoughts, feelings, and moods.
There is HOPE!!! If you want to feel better about yourself and your life then please read and follow through with the following.
1. Get GOOD psychotherapy. Talk to a psychiatrist, You need to find one who you can trust to talk to, to open up to. One who really cares about helping you with your thoughts and feelings and your variety of problems. Don't just pick one because he gives you medication.
I'm sorry, I have to end this abrubtly as I need to get to work but I will be back soon. Cyndi