Posted by felixbabble on August 24, 2005, at 23:01:58
I came here about a year ago but didn’t really stick around.
I have been having trouble for the past few years with depression and some manic episodes.
Here is the story;
I now realize for as long as I remember I have had these cycles. In the past the periods of good were much longer then the periods of bad (depression.) I would feel good for months and have a week or weekend of terrible depression; with nothing I can remember triggering it. Over the past 5 years or so these cycles have changed, I have mostly had depression with irregular periods of feeling good (really manic.) This has affected every part of my life terribly.
I have dug myself into a deep hole at school. I am only 4 classes from finishing but have been 6 classes from finishing for the past 18months. I quit a job by basically walking out on it.
I have had a GF for the past almost three years and we have had some major issues as you could have guessed. With my good friends and family I usually hide how much I am hurting and how I feel but they do know that I am sick, I have told them. Friends that I am not as close to I have mostly written off.
About a year ago, I had an all time low, I was feeling suicidal, although no one really knew, and still don’t to this day. I finally couldn’t hide it anymore (my depression) I was just worn out.
AT this point I contacted the emergency counseling center at my school. This was a disaster to say the least. He “Moron 1” would not see me on Friday night when I called, I was told to call in the morning if I still felt bad and someone could come into the city open the office and see me. Well Saturday morning, I got the same guy who said “uhmmm, lets just meet on Monday” giving them the benefit of the doubt I went in on Monday. Talking to someone helped, I went for three weeks twice a week, then I was told by my counselor he was going away for three weeks, and instead of making me wait I would start with someone new who would be there for the long term. I started with a new person and for three weeks brought him up to speed in addition he had me make an appointment for medication at outpatient clinic at another Uni in town that is Ivy League. This new person lets call him “moron 2” met with me twice a week for three weeks, at the end of that time he told me he was going way for three weeks and basically I would have no one to meet with at this time. This is also at the same time I have my first appointment for medication and real diagnosis, after telling “moron 2” that I was anxious about any type of medication. So I quit going there after trying to explain to “moron 2” that no solution was not a good one
At the outpatient clinic I told them my story and was told they would provide me with Therapy and medication management, two different docs. The first doc and colleagues diagnosed me with Rapid Cycling Bi Polar disorder II and put me on Lamictal and Celexa.
I was told that I should wait a month or so before I started therapy there. So, I started the meds. I went back 5 weeks later for my next appointment. I didn’t feel better really so my meds were upped and I was put on a more “aggressive” system of upgrading my lamictal while only upping the celexa slowly. This same sort of thing went on for about four months. With my Psychiatrists consent I made an appointment for therapy at the clinic. I fell into some deeper depression during the time and missed my therapy appointment and would have to wait several weeks for another. The next meeting with my psychiatrist for medication mgmt, he told me this would be our last meeting and he would be leaving. I would have a new Psychiatrist (this was with no warning.) I left very unhappy and did not make another appointment right away. When I did, I was happily surprised with the new psychiatrist who was very nice; she took me off Celexa and left my Lamictal about 200mg a day. She did give me Serequel for sleeping but after taking it a few times and feeling groggy for 12 or 14 hours every time I took it, I stopped. I saw this second psychiatrist a few more times before finding out she was leaving too. I gave up on them but continued on my meds.
I recently have felt so low and at times suicidal that I decided I needed to try salvation again. I called and returned to them this past Friday. I spoke with the new psychiatrist and the head of staff. I was assured that my new Psychiatrist would be there for at least 18months if not longer. They made me an appointment with a therapist there as well who has been there for many years and would be there for many more to come.
They left me on the lamictal (200mg). They added Effexor 37.5 Mg to start (which I start on Monday) and Restoril 15mg to help me sleep (this I am not supposed to be on for long since it is addictive)
So this is my story, any help?