Posted by Suzie V on February 12, 2004, at 13:05:22
In reply to Re: thanks, especially the parenting part, posted by Parisss on February 10, 2004, at 13:29:32
I am new to this forum but this is exactly what I am afraid is starting to happen between my teenage daughter and I. She has just started seeing a psychologist and suddenly she is finding every excuse to vent her anger at me, and hurt me emotionally.
We have always been very close and have had a wonderful loving relationship, but now she has called me a psycho and every other name that could hurt the most. Soon we will be starting family therapy and I strongly suspect that I will be seen as the beast and the source of all her problems. Although she has probably inherited my condition as I did from my mother. It is a very difficult time because we are in the middle of moving and I have chronic fatigue syndrome, and anxiety disorder which leads to depression under times of stress. I have been denied disability, I don't understand why except they phoned my last place of employment and said I did too good of a job. That's because I hid my condition from my employer so as not to be stigmatized, and my vacation was actually sick leave although they didn't know it. But I fizzed out quickly after that and have had no energy for two years now. So of course with illness, you have the added financial stress.
>By the time she was through with us I was painted out to be a beast and anyone else that knew me thought I spoiled my daughter rotten. Prior to this, my daughter and I were best of friends and after she thought I was the root of all her problems.
> The whole thing esculated from getting some help for a teen that was straying to me almost losing her and me being hospitalized for toxicity levels of meds. These same meds MADE me crazy and I lost my Federal job of 15 years to a disability retirement. I went from a single mom of middle class to poverty and eventually a period of insanity linked to the plethora of meds that I was taking. I have to tell you at this point that this therapist just told the Doc her theories on us and the Doc wrote the scripts without her own analysis. This same therapist I think was a thrill seeker and made a "mountain out of a mole-hill" with us.
I am very sorry to hear how this ended for you. But I can see how it can happen. The last thing I want to do is dissuade anyone from therapy, because I know of people who have been tremendously helped. However do be leary and if it doesn't feel right get out. Don't let them persuade you to take meds you don't feel comfortable with or do things that are not you. Like mine told me I must pray to God every moment of the day, (but I am not religious) since the Remeron and other anti-depressants didn't help me get off Chlonazepam or help my anxiety, but only made me worse and loose my job. He then lost his licence for having an affair with a patient. My previous shrink sexually abused a patient, or was accused of it, and he later killed himself which was very sad since he seemed to be a good person and may not have been true.
I have also had other shrinks who didn't seem to have any understanding of me, or care the least about me.
> I am very leary of therapy now! I don't want to focus on my woes, I want positive, forward help. I don't want to rehash a past (yes, even my strange and abusive upbringing) that can not be changed.
I think we just have to learn from these experiences and go with our gut instincts on what is best for ourselves. Nobody else can really understand who we are or care about us more than ourselves. For instance my anxiety causes a bizzare breathing problem that only my benzo can relieve, and I am at a loss to get anyone to understand that I would rather die than go back to feeling that distress day after day.
> I decided that a couple of my dear friends that lend me an ear when I need to vent and a more conservative Doctor on the dishing out meds has been more effective for me.
This is exactly so for me, although I am short on the friend side at the moment. Lost my best friend a few years ago because I think she thought I was a looser because she surpassed me career wise. She just didn't understand or believe that I had SAD and GAD. I hardly talked about it to her, but she still began to see me as not good enough for her, at least that's what I think happened. I have a couple of other friends but I avoid them when I'm stressed which is sometimes for long periods.
But yes, nothing helps me more than a lunch out and a laugh with a friend. Once a week used to be the best therapy for me. Once I get over this move I hope I will be feeling more social.
> Advice? Be careful that you have a therapist that is moving you in the right direction and not making more waves than you already have!
Agreed. That said, I know there are good ones out there, so if that's what you need, just keep looking. I guess it's like finding a mate. Not that easy but possible. It would have been nice if one could have helped me to not cause my daughter, or son grief, which I do accept some responsibility for.