Posted by liz_1999 on November 20, 2008, at 12:26:17
In reply to Re: Adolescent Loss of Parent: Effects in Adulthood?, posted by codybug on August 7, 2008, at 18:57:20
Hello, I came accross this thread whilst searching also for information of the loss of a parent when a teenager. I lost my mum when I was 13 (10 years ago) and have had very little psychological help or support, even from family who I don't feel I have any connection to because of lack of thier understanding of me.
Basically i'm looking into this because I think it's affecting, and will affect my adult life, and in the hope of learning what ways it is affecting me now and in the future, so I can learn to work around these things. I notice you are much older, and this has surprised me, and got me thinkin that if I dont work on through this now, it will only get more difficult.
I am constantly questioning everything, I often feel depressed and suicidal but this passes fairly quickly, I have an uncontrollable rage that will appear in the most unlikely of situations, at the smallest thing. I am convinced every decision I make is wrong, and I am convinced that i'm not worthy of anything, and I find it incredibly hard to get close to people, and my emotions seem to go to the extremes, which makes relationships and the suchlike very difficult. The few people I am very close to, learn to live with my "outbursts" but I dont like them experiencing that, and they have no idea about the other problems I experience. To them, I am confident, friendly, kind and generous, although to myself it is a constant battle to "appear" this "normal" way.
It all culminates into the fact that I constantly feel vulnerable, and judged, and unable to really relax, that my personality is not "normal" and that the things I think in my head are unhealthy.
I wonder if anyones got anything to say, or has had a similar experience. I have read countless accounts of deaths of teenagers from terminal illnesses, but this doesnt help me much, since my mum died, very suddenly, in the middle of the night, no-one had any idea whatsoever it was to come. I feel quite detached from this subject - like its not actually me it happened to.
Anyway this is getting long so I wont continue, but if anyone has anything to say, please do.