Psycho-Babble Grief | about grief, mourning, loss | Framed
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Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life

Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 10:32:27

In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:29:34

> I wondered that myself. Denial is a common reaction, and may be more expected when false reports are possible. Unfortunately, I was able to confirm it.

It had rung true for me, but hearing that you were able to confirm it brought more tears.

> It's a good question, what actions would honor her life. What do you all think?
> Bob

I'm not so good at this.

I think that what several people have said is important. That maybe we could remember Slinky's death in such a way as to try to prevent further deaths. Contact our legislators about mental health parity. Recognize that not enough is being done. I do remember that Slinky tried again and again to get help, and how hard it was for her to find.

But to me personally, I'd rather honor her life by remembering her life. But I don't really know how. I like how you're posting her pictures of you. They capture the predominant impression that I always had of Slinky. The whimsy. I'd love to have a collection of links to her posts that capture that as well. But I've had little luck searching with Google.

In thinking of her whimsy, I also think of something else I always associate with her. I am woefully lacking in whimsy. And Slinky was so kind to me about that. I never remember her being unkind at all. No matter what personal pain she was in, I never remember her being unkind. I remember her as being quite accepting, even of this quite literal person.

I guess one way I always think of honoring people is by valuing the qualities they exhibited. Not that I have any chance of cultivating anything resembling whimsy...

Then there were the things I'm sad to remember. It's hard to remember exactly now, but didn't she say something about using 2001 because no one went there? Because she thought that maybe she made people uncomfortable or that they didn't know how to respond? I could be completely wrong, but I remember being surprised that someone so obviously cared about and valued could feel that way. Yet... maybe I do recall times when people did seem to feel at a loss as to what to say? I've been thinking about trying to step out of my comfort zone a bit more. It's easy to say nothing and hope that someone more qualified will respond. Or to be so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I do the worse thing and not respond at all. One of the memories that I've always cherished most about Slinky was being in a conversation with her that suddenly dipped into deep waters. I was scared to reply, and maybe hoped that someone else would reply. I did step way out of my comfort zone, and the conversation became one of those Babble moments that touched me most.

I don't know. The images run through my brain and get all swirled up together. The playfulness and the fragility. Not even alternating sometimes, but coexisting. My frustration at her doctors, since so much of what she described sounded like biological issues, alternating with side effects from those issues.

But mostly feeling like something beautiful was taken from this world. And wanting somehow to make sure that it doesn't vanish entirely, leaving no footprints. Already so many people at Babble didn't know her when she was posting regularly. Didn't have a chance to get to know her.

I think I feel angry about that.

So... I'm not sure how to honor her life. If I were an artist maybe I could think of a way.




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