Posted by Deneb on June 12, 2005, at 18:26:24
In reply to Re: How will I cope when Hammy dies? » JenStar, posted by JenStar on June 12, 2005, at 13:35:33
> hi Deneb,
> it's weird, but sometimes I worry about people I love dying. I think about it a lot, even when they're not sick or ailing.
That's not weird to me. That shows just how much you care about them. :-)
> When I was a little girl, it started. I remember crying one day in kindergarten, crying frantically on the playground. All I could think about was maybe that my mom & dad had died while I was at school.
I used to do the same thing when I was little. My Mom and Dad had to work a lot, I was left home alone with my sister after school. When my Mom was late in coming home I used to get horrible panic attacks, thinking that my Mom had died or had abandoned us.
>I used to have recurrent fears about losing my parents.
I think having those fears shows that you were a very sensitive child. That probably made you the sensitive and thoughful person that you are now. :-) It is a little tragic though, I'm guessing that most children don't think about death so much. I wish our parents could have realized our fears and tried to reassure us.
> Now that I'm "grown up" and married, I STILL worry about this. I worry about my parents dying; I worry about how I'll react; I worry about losing my husband. I think that if I lose these people, I will go crazy. I will become homeless and live in the streets, a crazy woman, eating from trash bins and sleeping on benches.
I think along those lines as well. I think that I will go crazy and maybe have to be locked up so I don't hurt myself if my family died. I'm still *very* dependent on them.
Have you dicussed your fears with your husband? Maybe he could ease your fears by telling you that you won't be alone if anything happened to your parents. Maybe he will tell you that he would want you to continue living a happy life if anything should happen to him.
> I mean, I don't REALLY think that will happen. But so much of my lfe and well being and esteem is tied up in the people I love. I so much fear losing them.
Maybe it might help you to think of things from their perspective. Would you want the ones who love you to always worry about losing you?...Probably not. If you worry about them, they'll start worrying about you worrying about them and so on. :-) Wouldn't it be better to talk about it so you don't have to carry this burden of worry by yourself?
> So it was kind of hollow that I told you not to grieve too soon. I do it ALL the time. And I wish I could stop! I know I'M wasting time by doing it, but it doesn't seem to be somethign I can control all that often.
I know about giving out advice that I myself do not heed. It's definately a challenge. I just told you to talk it out with your family and yet I never dicuss my fears with them. :-)
> I mean, I function and I live my life and I get stuff done. I have fun. I seem normal. But inside, I'm a seething basket of all kinds of worries. Maybe I need to consider something besides Lexapro??
Maybe, I wouldn't know. I know I need to change the way I think a lot of the time.
P.S. Hammy seems fine now. He's coming out to play at night again. Maybe he was in one of his "lazy" phases again. He's pretty lively though considering his age. I've read that some hamsters can live to be 4.