Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 12:47:05
In reply to Parents Death - unusual reaction?, posted by LostGirl on December 4, 2003, at 12:53:04
> I do not feel devastating grief. I feel minor loss. Cleaning out their house was hard, but not unbearable. It seems like they are missing at holidays and other occasions, but it is not heart-wrenching. The loss I feel is more that I lost out on having caring, loving, affectionate, supportive parents in the first place.
<<I think you are perfectly normal. You cared for them and you respected their role as your parents, even if they weren't the type of parents you wanted or needed. You don't *have* to feel overwhelming love for them or great loss because they are gone.
I have not had that type of experience, but I believe I will when my parents pass away. I do not feel *any* love for them, no respect either. For my father, I feel nothing, perhaps pity. For my mother? Sometimes (more often recently) anger.
But I respect them as human beings. I don't put them down or hurt them or anything. And I don't want them to be unhappy or to suffer. But I don't think I'll feel great loss when they are out of my life. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't love my parents, but how can you force something that isn't there?
Don't feel bad about your feelings. :-) Continue to grow as a person, keep treating people with compassion, and keep loving yourself. Hang in there,