Posted by Susan J on September 15, 2003, at 9:25:54
In reply to Grief, Sadness, loss or just depression?, posted by KayJ on September 15, 2003, at 8:51:32
Hi, I'm sorry it still hurts so much.... :-(
> I just can't seem to "get over" the loss of my parents..my father died 11 yrs ago and my mother died 9 yrs ago. They both died from cancer..with lots of suffering and I was basically the caregiver. They were fairly young 66, 65. I have one brother who lives out of state..and really was not part of it. I see him rarely..mostly only a phone call every yr or two : )
<<I haven't lost my parents, so I'm not really qualified to say anything, just that I think still missing them is normal. Do you still feel really deep grief over their loss? Also, since you were the primary caregiver, is it possible that you are a bit angry with the situation (at brother, at self, at parents) for having to be the only caregiver? I hope I'm not causing problems by asking that. If it were me, I would lovingly care for my parents and *still* be resentful for having to do it. Not saying that's healthy. That's just me. But the reason I bring it up is, if you are angry, you might feel guilty about the anger and think grief is a more socially acceptable emotion to feel....hence, the lingering grief. And if the anger is the cause, if you can identify and acknowledge it, you will be able to get rid of a bunch of that grief....
> I just can't seem to get over the sadness..or feeling that I have a great big hole in my life.
<<I don't know if you believe in God or heaven. I have mixed feelings about it myself sometimes. But it *does* help me to think of my grandmother looking down on me, knowing what's going on. I *talk* to her all the time, too. Makes her seem more *there.* Perhaps that might help?
>> I guess I am just a big baby : )
<< I think it's great you care so deeply for your parents! I can't say I really feel any love for mine.....I wonder if that would change if, God forbid, something happened to them. Your love and emotions, even though painful, are a wonderful reminder that there were people in your life you cared tremendously for. I know it's painful. I wish I could say something more helpful to you. But you are in my thoughts.