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Re: Mental Illnesses and Faith Communities beardedlady

Posted by 2sense on June 2, 2002, at 5:53:05

In reply to Re: Mental Illnesses and Faith Communities, posted by beardedlady on May 31, 2002, at 15:39:07

Where in Maryland? I am in Pittsburgh? It took me 10 years last time and my ex wasn't a Christian. My husband says he is. I believe he has bi polar and was diagnosed with borderline as I wrote before.

No it isn't to late and of course the children come first -- but there is missing piece to me or I wouldn't keep marrying men who are controlling and abusive. I'd like to take this off line -- I feel very vulnerable. The pattern with men in my life, even in business when they are in power positions over me is: my way or no way -- you have no control over the situation.

God does help those who help themselves -- I am praying and reading James -- right now I need discerment and wisdom for these decisions. The 6 1/2 year old weeps and cries at the thought of separation and the two older ones want out -- but they are too much for me to handle alone. My family I love -- the espouse Christian values -- but as with my husband the fruit isn't there -- or another way put -- they talk the talk but don't walk the walk.

What I meant by platitudes is as I read the bible for hope -- I find that hope is there, in the next life -- not now. I intellectually understand all of this -- but emotionally as I said there is simply a piece missing. My mother taught her 3 daughters (and we are like night and day the 3 of us AND our husbands all 5 of them are different as night and day with the exception they are all controlling, insecure, and very much abusive in one way or another (physically, emotionally, etc.) my mother took to heart in an incorrect fashion the submission "clause". Christ spoke to husbands and how they are to treat their wives twice as much as he did to the wives. Does this let us off the hook -- NO! If my husband would be Christ-centered and treat me as Christ treated the church, and re-prioritze and not continually put me in a position of being his mother and if I decline berating me and not doing the thing he was to do (a no win situation) then I would give my right arm, my left arm, -- I used to be a real power house career women -- I used to want it back after our bonus baby -- no, all I want is Christ to dwell in my home and Satan get behind me. This may mean separation, and I am scared, ill, without work (and my illnesses are not well defined -- MS in the makings possible epilespsy -- had a hysterectomy in January from hemorraghing (spelling?) from May of last year through Xmas of this year) with complications from that. I have a heart problem and an attempt at burning a part of my heart last Wednesday did happen (they can't burn too much and then I need a pace maker and cannot get MRIs) I have a phone consult with a neurologist who specializes in epilepsy ( I had a grand mal seizure after two entire nights of NO sleep, begging my psych doc to taper me off of Klonopin which I was originally put on at the lowest dose for insominia 1 1/2 years or more ago -- but his colleage upped it right before he had a massive stroke believing since I talk fast and have Hashimoto's with hypothyroidism that I MUST be bi polar (the woman who handled the family's AD/HD and it is very real -- all of us have sky high IQ's but many of the emotional liabilities that go along with AD/HD -- we get evaluated every few years) she had seen us with this practice for 6 years and after 9-11 (and I lost people there being from the bedroom community of Princeton) to CO -- the last psych doc refused my script wasn't called in soon enough and the wrong dose anyway and voila the seizure so off to the EEG lab and another MRI and a neurologist who specializes in MS -- who should NOT be practicing threw me on Teretol -- I could go on and on and NOT even scratch the surface -- but I keep my eyes on God, know he is in control, read the bible, and other helpful material and comfort my children the very best I can. Our church really let us down so we are without one, but not without a group of unrelated but good christ-centered people there for us.

This was long, I apologize for that -- oh I also have had 4 bouts of anorexia as a very poor coping mechanism and see an excellent ED therapist -- if I find a new psych doc which I must this guy isn't doing his job and my internist is horrified at what he has me on not to mentioned the guy never ONCE in our conversations (since he can't see me until this coming September) told me that abrupt withdrawal from the Klonopin could cause, usually does, almost always at the dose I was on and the length of time I was on it) grand mal seizures (neither the EEG was normal nor the MRI). Like I said I've barely scratched the surface of things -- sorry this is so long.

Thank you for caring, truly.

By His tender mercies, moment by moment,

In His Name always ...





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