Psycho-Babble Parents | for parents | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

a rant about my out-of-control brother...

Posted by sometimesblue on February 2, 2009, at 10:51:55

I have an 18 yr old brother who lives with my parents and is out of control.

Here's the background: when I lived with my parents my mom would always ask me to talk to him about whatever trouble/problems were going on. Which I did. One time when I was reprimanding him for something (I can't recall what it was) he pushed me and we got into sort of a physical altercation...but my mom never had my back, not in the sense that she thought he was right, but in the sense that she kind of stayed out of it. After that I told her I was never saying anything to him again because I was doing her dirty work and bearing the grunt of what should be her job. Seemed like she wanted to be his friend and make me the bad guy. By the way, my dad, who lives there is pretty much an absentee father and never gets involved, but rather blames any problems on my mom. Because of their lack of "attention" to him I never wanted to move out...I pretty much put my life on hold because I was afraid that they couldn't handle him. When I did finally moved, he did just as I thought...took run of the house and partied like it was his house, a frat house.

I finally could not sit on the side lines anymore and watch him destroy himself. He has progressively gotten worse...binge drinking, sleeping around, etc. All under my parents roof. I know all this because he does confide in me and tells me about his weekends and his partying. I try to just listen while very subtly giving him my advise. This weekend, as another party went on I called him to see what he was doing (checking in on him if you will) and a girl picked up. I texted him "who was that?" and he replied he was "I'm trying to bang some chick so stop calling." I lost it and finally called my mom to tell her what he was doing under her roof. I got emotional. My husband heard the whole thing. Mind you, he hears me every weekend worry and sometimes crying about him, about him heading down the wrong path. My husband went to the house to try to "knock some sense into my brother" but instead was greeted with hostility and drunken nonsense. It turned into a mess, my brother said some hurtful things to me about me being a sh***y daughter and who was I to talk, told me to stay out of his life.

The next day he sobered up and I suppose regretted what he parents also told him that I am and always have acted in his best he gestured an apology...not with words but just hugged me.

Thing is, my friend tells me I should stay out of it because I have my own kids and bottom line is that he is my brother, not my child. I feel like I can't NOT do anything. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to him and I didn't ever try to steer him in the right direction. And I get that he's still young and has to make his own mistakes...but what do I do? I feel like my parents aren't parenting him. And I know this puts a strain on my relationship with my brother, but when you love someone, shouldn't you do everything in your power to guide them? Or am I being controlling?

Any advise would be appreciated....I need an impartial opinion...This situation is breaking my heart, and draining me.





Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Parents | Framed

poster:sometimesblue thread:877636