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Re: Dissociative Mom :-( Dinah

Posted by muffled on September 8, 2007, at 23:58:54

In reply to Re: Dissociative Mom :-( muffled, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2007, at 23:23:13

> Muffled, we all find ways to screw up our kids somehow. I was absolutely determined not to make the same mistakes my mother did with me. I read every book, and parented by those books. My husband would say he could see me flipping through the pages in my mind, looking for the problem at hand.

**yeah...just wished we didn't. Thats funny what your hubby said :-)

> So I managed to be the fake mom. The one pretending to be someone she wasn't. The mom always a step apart, never as real and connected as I wanted to be. I was consistent. I was fair and reasonable and calm. But all I ended up doing was making different mistakes.

*Sigh, yeah, I have times when I am a GREAT Mom...times...
Thats sad you felt you were a 'fake' Mom :-( Was that maybe in part due to dissociative tendancies on your part do you think? The fakeness feeling? The split btwn 'real' Dinah, and 'fake' Mom?

> I'm not sure if getting a job to pay for therapy for them is the best choice, if getting a job would add to your stress. Does your area have a parenting center or anything of that sort? You might want to check your phone book. Ours has one that not only has drop in times and mothers support groups, but also a couple of social workers on hand. They are more than happy to consult, and if longer term therapy is needed to recommend resources within the means of the family.

*hmmm, thats a good thot, there proly is stuff out there.... I will look into that for sure, thanks for that idea.
Sigh, I struggle with the thot of emplyment. Having to be in a certain place at a certain time etc does stress me out. I also feel rather uncomfortable with my changeablness at times...I'm not honestly sure HOW? I come across and how noticable it actually is....but I think its kinda noticable :-(

> Other than that, all I can say is that love is a verb. Keep doing your best to love them, and teach them and care for them as best you can, and you'll have done as much as any of us can do.

*I tell myself that.....
> And take care of yourself as best you can so that you can take care of them.

**I tell myself that too, as I pay my T bills...
> Will they end up in therapy one day talking about you? It's not unlikely. I know mine will. :)

*:-) Yeah, DEFINATELY. They know Mom goes to a counsellor to help me be a better Mom.

> About temperament... Perhaps I emphasize nature over nurture because of my experience with dogs. I've seen too many examples of dogs that never knew their father yet ended up having the most unusual and unexpected things in common. I always think that temperament is inborn but expression of temperament is influenced by the environment.

* I COMPLETELY agree with you on this. I beleive much of my dissociative tendancies came to me thru my Mother. I fear I have passed my crap onto my kids :-(

> That makes it even more important to find out as much as you can about parenting a kid with your kid's basic temperament. There are some books out there. I think one may be called "The Challenging Child" and I'm sure there are others. Our parenting center was really helpful in that regard as well.

*Problem is I just can't seem to absorb info very well from books. I can read a book many times, and still not 'get' alot of the info. It just don't 'stick' in my brain.

> Ah heck. There I go with the books again.

*:-) Luv ya Dinah.
I fear, as Daisy said, that my son likely has some deeper troubles, I keep hoping he will mature out of them, but he doesn't seem to be :-(
I want to at least be aware and do my best by him, and not let him slip thru the cracks cuz his 'issues' are less obvo, but in the long term, possibly quite detrimental to his future happiness....
Thanks for your reply.
Yes, it is VERY hard being a Mom.
But I wouldn't trade my kids for the world.




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