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Re: Narcissitic son

Posted by muffled on September 8, 2007, at 23:40:07

In reply to Re: Narcissitic son, posted by DAisym on September 8, 2007, at 23:10:42

>> If you really feel that your child (or children) might benefit from therapy, you could investigate what is available, and what the range of costs might be. My general impression is that young children, who usually are treated with a combination of art/play therapy and a therapeutic relationship, can benefit a great deal with quite short courses of therapy. They are young enough to still be in close contact with feelings and experiences which adults have often closed themselves off from. Often two or three years of therapy makes a huge difference for them. One of the hardest things is not to blame yourself for anything that might be amiss. You have, and are, doing your very best; if you decide you do need some additional help for them, that could be all to the good for the long-term happiness of your family. You wouldn't be alone: a number of posters have had their children in therapy at the same time as they are- and seem to be very glad they did so.

**yeah, cost is a factor :-(
I hope it could be shorter. I'm almost afraid to have my son assessed...

>>And I know you love your kids and I think that love shows through even when you're having a hard time.

**I CLING to that thot, I really do...

>>agree with what the others have said. You are not a bad mom, you are not a perfect mom, but neither is anyone else. We all make mistakes, kids are resilent creatures. Part of accepting that their parents are not perfect is part of growing up.

**I guess, but I will not shy away from the fact that my mentalness has hurt them..

>The only advice is try to be consistant with disapline if you can.

**A LARGE part of my problem is I am dissociative....and very inconsistant....I can't seem to do any better.

>when he realized how hurtful he was.

**This is the frightening part to me....I don't know that my son understands this concept :-( I HAVE explained since he was young, in many ways , that words DO hurt...

>Being a parent is so hard. We want the best for our kids and it is hard when we seem them acting out, we sometimes think it is something that we did to cause it. But I think all kids do stuff, it is part of being a kid, no matter how good of a parent you might be, they will still try stuff.
Muffy take care of youself. Kids are centered around their own world, it has nothing to do with you, in fact it is natural.

**Thanks for the support HF, but I beleive very strongly that as mothers we are HUGE in our childrens lives, HUGE, frighteningly so...

>>Have you had your son evaluated? There are some red flags here - doesn't like to be touched or held and never has. Calling his sister a poo-face certainly gets him attention, so I can see why he might do that. Try to let them work it out as much as possible, unless it gets physical. And don't forget to reward him for good behavior. Notice when he is nice to her.

**Yeah, he was an odd infant, colicky, but holding him often didn't soothe him. He didn't sleep well with us in same room. He would get overstimulated(so would his sis).He didn't smile for a LONG time. His first giggle was in his SLEEP. He had bad night terrors, he still has sleep disturbances(so does sis). I don't understand some of his behaviours and neither does he, I have tried talking to him about it.

>Most 11 year olds do not want to participate in family activities much. They want to hang with dad, or their friends or entertain themselves. If he is doing this, no worries, as long as you keep an eye on who his friends are. If he is hanging around you, complaining about being bored, but turning down all attempts at entertainment, then I might try another tactic. I usually pull out the chore list when I'm getting this kind of behavior and it is amazing how quickly they find things to do.

**LOL!!!! I use this plot too!! Works a charm! My problem is I don't wish to sit at home all day and would like to have outings, but while out, he gets set off somehow( Isuspect to my lack of a 'plan') and gets very upset, into a rage, almost tears, that he doesn't want to eg, walk the dog around the park.....his behaviour ruins SO much fun for us.

>Your inconsistent moods might have effected him but you did the best you could. Family therapy could be helpful or he might benefit from individual therapy. My son has seen a therapist since he was 11 for an anxiety disorder. I don't know what I'd do without him some weeks. Your therapist could probably recommend someone.

**I wonder at anxiety for my son. He so often wants to know 'what are we going to do today? But unfortunately that is ine of my worst failings...I fly by the seat of my pants, cuz I never quite know how I might be...
He has unexplained nausea, been nuerotested, ENT specialist etc. I am the WORST Mom for my child :-(

>Kids are hard at this age. I think middle schoolers are way harder than high schoolers.

*yeah...I don't wanto be like my Mom who seemed to be blind to everything.
My other kid seems OK, if clingy...
I can't help but feel bad for my part in the development of my son :-( Hurts my heart so much. I KNOW I did my best, but it STILL hurts to know I hurt my beloved child :-(

Thanks for replies guys.




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