Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 21, 2007, at 19:35:49
In reply to Re: feeling afraid, posted by Dr. Bob on January 21, 2007, at 13:08:23
> > I don't think that was uncivil. Impulsivity is one the the HIGHEST risk factors for suicide. I fear for her life. How is that uncivil??
> > Is stating the obvious ... uncivil?
> It can be, if it leads someone to feel accused or put down. Something like:
yes, just like stating that someone has a giant infected zit on their nose is probably uncivil (or at least rude and demeaning) regardless of how "obvious" it may be
> > I don't post to hurt her or to get her blocked, or even to change your rules. I just don't want her to end her life.
> I understand, and I didn't mean to imply that anyone here wasn't trying to help.
> > FWIW, the fear of losing Babble is not for myself, but for all the people who rely so heavily on this site. If you are successfully sued, you couldn't afford to keep it.
> > em
> Sure, it could be fear that others, not oneself, might lose Babble. Deneb, even. People could also care about and be scared for me. Which I would feel grateful for.
> > The big fears for me are favoritism and the impact pressuring posts can have
> > sunnydays
> I agree, it would be good if people didn't feel pressured here. How do you think favoritism might affect posters?
"pressure" is a very new concern to me. I've never been in the situation where I was worried about my well-intentioned advice being considered "pressure". If advice is kind, caring, supportive and consistent, is it also possible that it could be considered "pressure"? How would I know, unless I read something like "I read your post to me Llurpsie_Noodle, and I feel pressured" ... BUT then Llurpsie_Noodle is *accused* of being uncivil. yikes! Is pressure only palpable to the one being pressured? Can it ever be detected by the administrators?
> > In the future I will not point out a post, even if it is requested, unless I do it via babblemail. Though I question whether under babblemail guidelines it shouldn't be allowed because it might be hurtful.
> > Poet
yes, but sometimes posts have positive advice that we want to point out too! I wouldn't want to select posts to support an argument that the poster is engaged in wrong-doing, but rather to select posts that provide support. This comes up very frequently on the meds board, when one poster has written something that may be unsound medical advice, and the post is later referred to in the spirit of providing better medical advice. Just because a post is incorrect or inaccurate doesn't make us uncivil if we kindly point it out and suggest alternatives, does it?
* Dr. Bob, thank you for investing your energy to sort through these different issues and weigh in. It's not often that I feel like you actually explain your reasoning. I don't feel scared for you (in terms of legal or ethical censure), because I feel that things are under control here (legally and ethically).
But I do care about you, because I think you have invested a lot of time and energy in this project, and this project has improved my life. I also worry about you because you seem to take a lot of abuse and be a target for people's dissatisfaction with psycho-babble, and perhaps with life in general! You soak it up well, but I'm not sure that it is healthy for any one person to feel so much pressure from so many different people who often have strong feelings. I wish that you would put your own rules into place more often to protect yourself. In my opinion, there have been occasions when you have been accused, put down, cursed, and threatened, and yet you do not consistently demand that posters remain civil when addressing or referring to Dr. Bob. You're only human too, you know?