Posted by AuntieMel on October 6, 2004, at 10:29:25
In reply to Re: Hi, remember me? :), posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 19:42:42
I think fighting for a relationship with a person is much different than fighting for a good feeling with babble.
When you are fighting for a relationship with a person, there is a one on one human interaction. You can relate to the person in real time, have a good chance of understanding the nuances of the points being made and, more important, have enough information about that person's value system to be able to tell if it meshes with your own. If there are enough similar values and goals (and a certain amount of chemistry) the relationship is probably worth fighting for.
On the other hand, babble is much more complicated. We form attachments to how we *perceive* the other members to be, and with the community as a whole.
Because we all have "mental illness" in common, we want to see the others in the best light and assume good motives. When we see evidence to the contrary it comes a shock and the hurt is doubled.
It also follows group dynamics, something most of us haven't really had experience with. In fact, I would guess that for a lot of us, this is the only community that we've ever belonged to. So we are groping, all at our own speeds, with no real examples to follow. Deciding if it is worth it is much tougher - weighing the pains that come with the benefits we get.
It is a decision only we can make for ourselves. And it is a major decision. If things don't work out with one person it can hurt a lot, but one person is only a part of the fabric. If it doesn't work out with a community, it strikes at the core.
I, like you, remember being on the sidelines at the schoolyards. It wasn't fun then, and it isn't fun now.