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Re: Has Your Depression Gotten Worse With Age? stargazer2

Posted by Chris O on April 22, 2015, at 15:37:44

In reply to Re: Has Your Depression Gotten Worse With Age?, posted by stargazer2 on April 22, 2015, at 15:11:03


I have wondered if I am on that spectrum, especially since (looking back on it) I believe that my mother may have had many of the characteristics of BPD. She did portray herself as the suffering martyr (which in some ways, she was), and me as the ungrateful child. Myself, I definitely have the fear of abandonment, emotional instability, underlying anger, and paranoid thoughts. However, I am not impulsive at all; in fact, I wish I were more impulsive. My life has been lived in a box due to my fears of abandonment. My psychiatrist has never brought BPD up (I have been seeing him for a good five years now), but then, in many ways, he seems to take my description/perception of my symptoms as legitimate--placing me on the GAD/PTSD scale. Frankly, I don't know anymore.

A big part of my disability is that I cannot manage anything in my life. My wife is essentially managing everything (with me playing the embittered role of "helpmate") because once faced with the prospect of caring for myself on my own--the bills, working a job where I have to extrovert myself on a daily basis, the tasks of daily living--I just have a panic attack. Basically, I feel like my mother trained me to be dependent on her in an unhealthy way (shaped my brain, in fact), and I am unable to break this pattern without changing something crucial about my biology. And yes, in many ways, my wife is playing the role of my mother, but I don't have any other options at the moment, as none of the medications I have taken have made me feel much better.





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