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Re: Has Your Depression Gotten Worse With Age? stargazer2

Posted by Chris O on April 21, 2015, at 13:12:44

In reply to Re: Has Your Depression Gotten Worse With Age?, posted by stargazer2 on April 21, 2015, at 13:05:24

My mantra is " I don;t know what my purpose is in life" and "Why bother".

At 48, and struggling with my GAD/depression/whatever I have/ most of my life without reprieve, I definitely empathize with what you are saying here. The inability to take care of myself (and to find relief) is humiliating in a way that most people do not understand. Worse, they cannot really do anything to help me, even though in my desperation I want them to.

I struggle with suicidal alternating with vengeful ideation fairly constantly. On the one hand, I don't want "burden" anyone with my unfulfillable neediness; on the other hand, I want to punish/destroy those who I feel are most responsible (my family, mostly). I really think my life would have been better if my mother had died after I was born and I was raised by a more stable family/person, despite whatever brain biological dysfunction she obviously gave me.





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