Posted by BygoneBeSpade on September 13, 2013, at 11:49:36
Hello. I grew up in a pretty violent and abusive household. Without drugs I suffer from chronic intense anger - being angry ALL the time, so angry that I used to refuse to eat food for days in the early stages of the disorder if things did not go my way. Something would just not seem right, there was always this darkness and weird sort of the way the world seemed since my early teens. I also started having intense rage attacks all the time, my mind gets intensely mentally agitated, physically restless, extremely irritable and in a frenzy, and stress fills my head and I have to let the anger out in the form of breaking things, smashing glass objects, throwing/destroying furniture, crockery, and the like. These rage attacks are often caused by too much stress, fights, things do not go my way, etc. and all sorts of triggers, but I have no idea why I have this inappropriate rage. I always had depressive tendencies like loneliness etc. Since I was 15 I've had full blown severe depression, with all sorts of negative feelings like loneliness and no one loving me, and intense weeping all the time, not going out of my room at all, not even talking to my family. I was given AAPs since 5 years ago at age 17, Risperidone 3mgs worked very well for the rages from the start and it has a wonderful antidepressant effect too, other AAPs did not work well or were stopped because of side effects. Divalproex 750 mg with Lamictal 25mg made me horribly depressed with horrible horrible weeping all the time and I stopped it. Valproic acid made me severely depressed and felt sick on it. Aripiprazole 15 mg with Iloperidone 6mg made me extremely irritable, depressed and raging. Olanzapine 15mg locked up my behind so bad I couldn't let anything out for up to three days, even with laxatives. It didn't work well for rage and I had rage episodes on it. Fluoxetine 20mg did nothing for my depression. I have not taken other antidepressants except Mirtazapine which gave me horrible excess of problems that it's not fitting for a holy Christian man to even mention. So it's been Risperidone 3mg up till now, and I'm stable except for severe tardive dystonia and other side effects. Up till now, I'm only sure that I have MDD and though I've entertained that I might be bipolar, I've just had no happy moments ever, I'm just wallowing in severe depression and rage, no happiness but extremely severe depression all the time; even when raging, I have this diabolical underlying sadness and depression. So I'm not quite sure if I'm monopolar depressed or otherwise (though my instincts tell me monopolar). Doctors aren't quite sure either. Because of the side effects I'm looking for non-AAP options (maybe antidepressants or other drugs) that might help control this intense rage, extreme irritability, and psychic agitation while treating the severe depression. I've also had issues with self-harm - being so angry at myself and punching and beating myself because of guilt over the rages and other problems. But I really want help with how to proceed in trying new drugs, which might be worth a shot. The drugs I mentioned I tried, I took them as I wrote them, monotherapy the ones I mentioned singly and as combinations like I wrote them. I've tried them all for two months at least, except the Aripiprazole and Iloperidone which I took only for two weeks and stopped because of the rage. None of the other drugs worked for the rage either.
I've researched online and some places mention that intense anger, rages may respond to serotonergic drugs while others say that antidepressants can make agitation worse. Some place, namely Wikipedia says Amitryptyline is used in violent behaviour but doesn't mention in what context it is used and whether the anticholinergic side effects are even worth it. Some places say treating the underlying depression is the way to proceed while others say the aggression should be treated as a separate disorder. So I'm here to ask your advice, if there are any non-antipsychotic drugs that might be worth a shot at trying, keepin in mind side-effects.. and if so, which to try first, how to proceed. Thanks. Please, I beg you to help me get off this nasty risperidone.
poster:BygoneBeSpade
thread:1050600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130828/msgs/1050600.html