Posted by Topdog on July 23, 2013, at 7:51:13
Hey guys!
As some of you might know, i have had severe depression for 10 years with exception of 4 years, when i was on Nardil. Nardil was great but had loads of side effects. I wouldn't have stopped it, but i ran out and couldn't obtain it anymore as my source was compromised.
Looking back, when on Nardil, it was not the real me- i felt too good- it was like - if i saw my house is on fire, i would say, look, what a beautiful colours. I felt HIGH AS A KITE -- a pulsating feeling of euphoria flowing in the brain. It was like a serotonin, dopamine rainshower.It would be good to feel like this all the time but the side-effects were too bad for me. In the end i'm happy i quit.
After Nardil, for 6 months the depression was so bad that most nights i hoped i had a 9mm at hand. Noting besides Nardil even came close to touching the big depression.
I tried various meds and combinations one being worse than another.
I felt hopeless and so terrible that only few days passed without thinking about the 9mm ...well to be honest, i felt so depressed that i think i would have chickened out anyway. I knew, if I had to feel like this every day for the rest of my life, I would have happily chosen death as an alternative. It was extremely horrible.
Now comes the good part:
I didn't write this before because i didn't know if it will last, but now i will share:
It finally happened- the depression gave in and happiness took over - i'm not depressed anymore, I feel absolutely like my old self again. I'v been free of symptoms for 1 month now, i know it's not long, but as Nardil was the only drug that ever worked and it never pooped-out, i'm pretty sure my new combination will maintain it's effect as well. It's so good to be back in the real world feeling feel fresh, energized and motivated.
The key to my success was combining Remeron with Lamictal. Neither of them worked on it's own, i tried both separately with no success. After almost quitting Lamictal i decided i will take the two meds together, i now take 200mg of Lamictal and 30mg of Remeron. Deep inside i always knew that the depression is biochemical although others tried to convince me otherwise. I knew i had to find something that works, i mean something that really WORKS, not like- well i'm very depressed but 10% better than before.
It all started very slowly.
Firs went the zombiness (feeling like i'm living in a fog), i slept like 16 hours a day.
After that, day by day i started thinking less about how to take an emergency exit from this life.
Then, few days came that i felt like..well i don't feel that depressed anymore.
Then every other day, there was a moment when i felt like the depression was giving in.
After that, some days there were few hours that i actually felt happy.
Then one day I started to noticed that music sounds live again, listening to a new song that i liked, i suddenly felt rush of euphoria coming over me- i had almost lost this feeling, it was so long ago.I was pretty much the most treatment-resistant person possible, but the depression gave in after all and now all the neurons are firing happily.
Besides i feel much more like two feet on the ground then on Nardil.I hope you all find something that WORKS and keep in mind that the circumstances are not like as they feel when you are depressed,this is not reality, yes, the depression is very real, but it's distortion of reality and it's not how one is created to feel like.
Good luck!
Topdog
poster:Topdog
thread:1047674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130706/msgs/1047674.html