Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 10, 2013, at 0:10:30
im going to meet with the disability servies tomorrow, I have all my psych reports, and they are pages of thick paper I wished I never got done....I read the most recent one that she said I had disorganized schizophrenia....but they tested the intellect stuff, like processing speed, aptitude stuff....it was vary low, she wrote down that I was at the bottem 8% of the population....serious, I've got to get out of this stupor state, that's why I have the issues with keeping up conversations with people, because the information processing is so slow, like I can't process what there saying fast enough. And that's why im so intense when someone talks to me, I move fast, change the subject crazy, because I don't want them to see the slowness of processing. And all the other stuff...It is not fun to read it, it says many times Im in a category of intellectual disorder, learning disorder, speech disorder, all of it I can't even read it anymore I want to scream.....I just don't ever want to be considered dumb, or slow...that is exactly why I put the pillow over rmy head and let it out at night because all of this, the intellect limitation, the social limitation that prevents me from having normal friends, having a birthday party, going to the prom, I wanted all that stuff, and I didn't get it...that;s what makes me disturbed, and let it out heavily.
so.....ssi is ok, but really what is going on, I've got to change all this stuff that says im in the lower percentale of the population....I can't deal with it, wear flashy clothes, have a charismatic personality to cover it up, looking like the perfect guy, but its not true.
anyways.....if I put some effort forward to totally change the programming how I think...that may need to be what needs to be done.
not a scholar but understand distress
encourage you to avoid false beliefs