Posted by zonked on March 3, 2013, at 21:53:29
If there's one place I feel safe to rant, it's here...
(Incidentally there are other boards that I don't participate in with similar topics - habit, but I am not crazy and I don't think it's funny even as self deprecating humor. Also, some of the moderators are
rather ... brutal. anyway.)
So, yeah. I see my new primary care doctor this week, who ostensibly is going to refer me to a psychiatrist. Great.
But without my Dexedrine, in a new city, with so much to accomplish, I can't focus on a single damned thing. Which feeds my anxiety, which ultimately makes me feel paralyzed and depressed.
I'm afraid if the MAOI (Nardil) + stimulant combo won't be prescribed by the primary, even with my chart from where I lived before noting that's what I've been on forever and ever, and my little proof notes that this, in fact, is common in TRD and safe; I am going to blow my top.
My anxiety's so bad right now Xanax isn't doing very much... I literally walked to the corner, and didn't know what to do. Do I work on my resume? Do I try to make friends? Do I log in to the insurance plan's website and start making a list? What's most important?
Dexedrine gives me the ability to serialize, prioritize, and accomplish things. I can't do it with caffeine, I can't do it with anything I can obtain over the counter.
I am not a violent person, but 3 months without Dexedrine and I get sick of spending 85% of my energy *trying* to stay on task and focus on one thing at a time, and exhausting myself, beating myself up etc in the process... and sometimes, I feel so frustrated I want to punch the wall. (I haven't.)
Not to mention, that, without it, Nardil only takes me up to dysthymia-level. Not major depressive but life doesn't seem so snazzy either...
I'll keep fighting the fight. I truly, truly wish this drug was not CII and refills were allowed...
my previous psychiatrist has, unfortunately, refused to mail me a paper RX because he is no longer following me and I am in another state now.