Posted by rjlockhart37 on January 28, 2013, at 14:49:16
well...hello, havent been on babble for 2 days...im starting to withdrawl symptoms...but anyways...you there's time i feel like such sh*t....i feel awful, the mood is unstable, the anxiety goes from concentration then turns into irrtiblity, unstable thoughts....i just had a beer....still not much improvement, but the thing is people who want to do meth, heroin, or simply fbusing prescription is to alter the way they feel....to relieve the negative feelings, or simply to feel better, or to just expirement to change and see what a altered state of counsiousness feels like....usally this is well known with teenager with glue and inhalents, and of course pot, and adderall.
But seriously i have been through medications, been on stimlants, benzos, there's no real relief from negative feelings, and that's what makes me want to take higher doses to remove these feelings, or irrtibility, or just want to get a methamphetamine rush to get things done. Through 2004 till now, i would get on the internet and look up potent medicatons that had strong potent change in the counsiouness, barbituates, stimulants...i was never really into opiates...i don't find any satisfaction in them only when i want to lay around and do nothing. They do make me more warm in personality and social events, but still heroin, oxycountin, vicodin...not really my thing. I loved mixing dexedrine with xanax in 2008 when i was prescibed both of them in high recommended doses, 60mg of dextroamphetamine in extended spansules and 2mg of xanax every 6 hours. I like it...really it had relaxed feeling but still was intrested in things and talked and socialized much more.
Still i just wished i could get to the point of happiness and fullness where i don't feel helpless and unstable, and rely on substances to change or sedate. Right now, i have been so deeply in spiritual activity with trying to find God....and also Lucifer....there both diffrent...god i would say is generious if you follow his commandments and merciful to those who repent. Lucifer is more self indulgent like, but when i would sense his presence...he wouldnt let me tell pastors about him, he told me to keep this a secret between me and him that he was there, yet he does help in not being afraid of the world anymore....im sorry this is chatter babble that doesnt make sense and irrelvant because it has no source to back it up. I'm simply expressing my thoughts...
hopefully i can find a state of serenity...to feel saved, and not helpless and trapped in thinking, false belief systems.
thanks for reading...
not a scholar but understand distress
encourage you to avoid false beliefs