Posted by Christ_empowered on November 13, 2012, at 12:48:48
I started out smart enough. 115-120, maybe a little too smart for my own good (thought I was smarter than I was). That was at age 18, when I started seeing a shrink.
Lots of drugs, some ect, and long span of untreated psychosis later, I had a 95 IQ at age 23. I'm now 28. My IQ is 120-130 +/- , so I'm one of the lucky ones: I got back what I lost, possibly (somehow...) a little extra.
This has been gradual. A lot of the deficits were a mix of brain damage (apathy, laziness, lack of creativity and social skills) and some of them were also personality problems. Both have resolved.
So, what now? I'm 28. I write better than I ever did before, I have good conversational skills, I'm at least as smart as when I started this long, crazy trip, and I don't know what to do.
At age 20, following an involuntary hospitalization that involved lots of drugs, psychiatric and psychological abuse, and involuntary ECT, I was essentially a vegetable. IQ was probably low normal, but more importantly, I couldn't hold conversations well, I lacked sparkle and personality, and I definitely could not hold a job or sustain educational efforts (I failed at both for a long time). I was basically a simpleton.
Now, I'm no longer a simpleton. There's a depth and nuance to my thinking and needs and what not that wasn't there before, at least not for a long, long time.
What now? I'm blessed, really. I get disability and under the table cash from my parents. I drive a decent car. I live in a very modest, but pleasant, apartment my parents purchased for me.
But what now? Sleeping all day, doing boring, routine things, no longer satisfies. I'm just not a simpleton anymore. That's really all there is to it.
Remember "Flowers for Algernon," in which the brain operation temporarily made a very dull man a super genius? I'm no super genius, and my intelligence has returned *despite* psychiatry, not because of it, but still...I can relate. Coming out of the dull, gray twilight of stupidity into reality. What to do now?
The obvious answer would be to work. My major was fluff and I didn't finish. I do have a lot of credits. I have 0 work experience for the past 5 years.
Then there's dealing with the emotional stuff from what went on while I was in that dull, gray twilight of stupidity. Being made fun of. Being exploited. People making things up because I seemed such an easy target. What now?
I don't know how or why I woke up from this. I believe it was God in action, but I don't know the mechanics of that or why, of all the people turned dulled out patients psychiatry creates, I was chosen for a real shot at life.
poster:Christ_empowered
thread:1031222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121113/msgs/1031222.html