Posted by Tomatheus on August 29, 2012, at 17:52:14
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough patch right now and that things are at the point where you've been having thoughts of ending it all. Although I may not have felt the exact kind of pain that you're feeling now, I sometimes go through periods in which I feel like ending my life is the best way forward, but something always seems to come along to change my mind and give me some hope that I might eventually experience some relief from the worst of the suffering that I experience. For me, that "something" is oftentimes another treatment (usually a supplement) that I haven't tried, but that "something" could really be anything, including but not limited to gaining a new way of looking at things. It may help you to re-examine your plans for making an attempt when you're not in the deepest depths of a bout of depression, but I would recommend sharing your thoughts and feelings with your therapist so you can receive the guidance that you need from somebody who's trained to help others in a crisis or difficult situation. If you can't get a hold of your therapist, you might want to consider calling a suicide hotline and letting the person on the other end of the phone know what your thoughts and feelings have been.
I know that I don't know you too well, but I would most certainly miss your presence here on Psycho-Babble if anything were to happen to you, and I don't think that I would be the only one. I'd also be willing to bet that you make a positive difference in the lives of those around you and that those close to you would lose a dedicated, committed, and hard-working woman if you were to take your life. It definitely sounds like, with all that you do for others, that the world is better off with you being here, and even though you may be suffering badly, you have been and will (hopefully) continue to be a force for good in this world.
In addition to expressing your feelings here on Psycho-Babble, I would definitely encourage you to talk to someone in person, be it your therapist or someone associated with a suicide hotline, and make sure that you stay safe. Again, I'm very sorry that you're hurting, and I hope that the intensity of the depression that you've been experiencing today will be less tomorrow.
Dx: schizoaffective disorder
Treatments: Abilify, 6 supplements, & counseling