Posted by SLS on July 4, 2012, at 19:58:54
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 4, 2012, at 13:30:06
> Hey scott, thanks for the post...the only thing I'm trying to make this aware of is not the part of the drug addicted person that people portrey me as....i understand why because the way I post of using methamphetamine and the people I got envolved with but there is like another underlying reason...like i mentioned in the post, its this grey numb feeling i expierience when im sober....its like I can't relate to reality because of the enourmous amount of pain that will show up if I don't feel numb. My psychologist said its dissociation....i know what it is...but its not the main problem...people have gotten vary angry at me for doing stupid things that would be common sense to the average person...i do things like drive with directions and miss the exit which I should of been aware that it was their....people think i do these things on purpose to be a dumb *ss, and its not true this is how I am....i need help from some people to do things that a normal person would already absorb and understand. This is why I used methamphetamine because it keeps me sharp and alert and of course that false feeling of confidence it gives due to the rise of dopamine in the froutal cortex. People I know will label me drug addict and will not listen to me and understand what the main root problem is...if it is so called drug addiction its not the main problem...its a symptom of something that causes me to resort to using substances to numb or enhace my ability to do things, I am vary aware that once your an addict you always be an addict. That is true...i read some articles of people being clean for 20 years and more and then resort to their past behaviors and do things exactly the way they did them in active addiction.
> Look im really looking for some options, I know of NA i still go their 4 times a week but I have trouble understanding their philipohy and don't ask them these simple questions because I know they will think im stupid....i have a dreaded fear of someone labeling me as an idiot because it has happened over and over...i just try to avoid it from happening again.
> Thank you for your post....
I would like to reiterate that your posts on Psycho-Babble demonstrate that you are highly intelligent. I would also like to emphasize that some of what you describe as feelings of numbness and emptiness can be accounted for by dysthymia or perhaps major depressive disorder. If for you, one of these illnesses produces slowed thoughts and cognitive/memory impairments - which they can - that would explain a great deal about the way you function cognitively. It is like having a V8 engine operating on 2 cylinders for lack of sufficient fuel.
Have you had tests for other conditions like hypothyroidism?
Some see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.
- George Bernard Shaw