Posted by johnLA on July 2, 2012, at 13:21:51
In reply to @john » johnLA, posted by Bryn B on July 2, 2012, at 12:08:03
do you have an english degree? if you do, i have a couple of questions for you.
i only taught the 'coolest' classes at my school! ;)
12th grade ap art history, film history and music history. everyone got an A and they all still learned learned. not to brag, but there was a lottery to get into my class. i was also voted 'most inspirational teacher' for many years and was actually humble about that as well. (until now!) i'm thinking it was mostly the 'easy' A's. ha! really though, the classes were quite unique and i was lucky in that i had awesome kids and the subjects were just so different than most of their other classes. no tests. just journals and amazing discussions where i learned just as much as the kids.
i also took 40 to 50 students to italy every spring break and i even did a few private boat trips thru the greek islands (where i come from) a few summers. life was good.
i loved my work because i LOVED art, music and film and the kids and learning from them. now, i have severe anhedonia and can't 'feel' the emotions i used to feel for these. so strange. i'm scared about living like this the rest of my life. what's the point if their is no pleasure in life?
i tried to go back and teach last year and just couldn't do it. i never 'faked' it in front of the kids. couldn't start now.
i had many students go on to college as art, film and music majors. that also made my self-esteem pretty good. i never realized that until i stopped working.
25+ years is a long time though. and, i realize i may have been in a mild depression for several years before everything came crashing down in 2010.
i have dreams about being back in my class teaching. hoping that can happen again someday.
meanwhile, a new private one-on-one school has opened near me. students with similar issues to what you taught. if i can get a bit better i'm thinking maybe that's where i might go for 'rehab' so to speak. ;)
there is a poster here named 'ihatedrugs' who is also a teacher. she is a positive person here on the boards. hope you get a chance to communicate with her too.
good to get to know you bryn.