Posted by Ron Hill on April 27, 2012, at 4:24:44
In reply to Re: ultra, ultra, and ultra rapid cycling » Ron Hill, posted by alchemy on November 5, 2010, at 17:14:01
alchemy
I dropped the ball and left you hanging about 18 months ago. I am sorry.
What meds are you currently taking? Have you tried Valdoxan? If yes, is it helping you?
How are you doing mental health wise?
-- Ron
--------------------------------> Thank you so much for being interested & trying to help!
>
> > If I understand correctly, you self-identify your bipolar disorder as depression only, with no ups.
> --- Pretty much. The rapid stuff. My doc's opinion is that bipolar II is the CLOSEST dx that I would identifiy with. Part of the bipolar side of things is the agitation/mixed that was fairly constant. Thank god those have really decreased
> > Do you ever become hypomanic? > Have you ever been hypomanic in the past?
> ---- No, but I do occassionally have times were I have a bit more energy & creativity. I wouldn't call it "hypomania" though. It was usually in the evening. And then in the morning I think they were dumb ideas.
> I have always had a hard time with getting restless. I am not ADD except for that one problem. If I even have to sit in a class for an hour I feel like I'm going to go crazy.
> > I know it's difficult to put into words, but can you describe what it feels like when you are in depression?
> ---- It depends on the severity & there are different types. I have times that I feel anxious/emptiness. Sometimes I can deal w/ getting out, but if there isn't anything to do it gets worse. More often it I feel that way but I also don't want to. I may feel lonely but I don't feel like calling anyone or doing anything. I go through many times that I am crazy bored, but I have no motivation, and tv may be too annoying.
> Sometimes it is just feeling "blah". Sometimes it's "pretty hellish" & my head feels miserable. Not just depession, but noticible "head depression". Often I wonder how I'm going to get through the day. Time moves too slow.
> And then there are the mood changes during the day. It is a usually very physical feeling. I had my brother's family in town that helps me not notice my mood as much. But there were a few days that I was just too down & wanting to hide from the world-not good timing. And I couldn't fake it. Luckily this "dip" was only a couple of days.
> > You've already said that you experience amotivation.
> ---- ya, that has been a big problem. That is what the dex usually helps. There are times that I can sleep after taking dex.
> > Do you lose your energy?
> ---- I go through energy/tired cycles. I think the fatigue isn't as bad as I use to be. Often it is hormone related.
> > Do you sleep less?
> --- Without dex there were times that falling asleep was easier. On some nights I would eventually take ambien. I usually need the regular 8 hrs.
> > Do you eat less and lose weight?
> --- dex helps of course. the wellbutrin & celexa probably helped a little before that. I still eat a bunch, I have hypoglycemia, but am still thing. Around 15 years ago I had a phase of really controlling how much I ate & bulemia. I am pretty sensitive to what I eat- especially carbs.
> > Do your shoulders and legs feel heavy?
> ---- I have never heard of that question or felt that way. Just muscle aches
> > Do you have more than usual cognitive problems when you are depressed?
> ---- Not necessarily, I think it is more related to no motivation. When I get the "brain fatigue/burnout" I can't handle using my brain/thinking anymore. This sucks for work.
> > Do you find yourself crying easily?
> ----- Nope, even if I feel like crying, I rarely cry. Maybe because it has been so long.
> > Do you lose self-confidence?
> ------ Ya, mostly when my mood goes down & not the opposite. But I do get a lot of positive comments that help. And I can usually put on the fake face if I need to.
> > Do you engage in negative self-talk?
> ------ Sure. The self-talk becomes worse in relation to my mood. My thoughts are generally being pissed off or sad about my head/body funtioning. It's not so much that I don't like myself, it's that I hate living. And of course it didn't turn out to be what I hopoed. There are moments that I can do this or that & get a better career. But then I have to remind myself that it is almost like a handicap. I have been on short-term disability twice.
> > Do you ever think about wanting to just die to stop the pain?
> ---- I haven't had the thoughts as regularly, but I have always wanted to die. I am too scared. Give a button to have never existed and I would have no hesitation to push it. I have gone through many of phases where it is an ongoing thought. As I get older & there isn't much change, I become slightly braver.
> > You said that you do not become agoraphobic, but instead you go outside to keep from going nuts, right?
> --- Yip, more comments above. But of course there are times that I do not want to deal with dealing with the world/people.
> > Does your depression get worse in the winter; in other words, do you have Seasonal Affective Disorder?
> --- No.
> > As an aside, when it comes to cognitive dysfunction, 400 mg/day of Lamictal will cause a ton of word finding problems for most people. I have never heard of a bipolar patient taking that much Lamictal. Epileptic pt, yes. Bipolar pt, no.
> ---- I really noticed it the last time I increased my dose. It was very frustrating. I have never heard that it is a different reaction between bipolar & epilepsy. I has faded though, but I don't know if it still has any affect. I have always had a hard time writing & the verbal stuff (better at spatial/analyitical stuff). I also become initially agitated, but that goes away. Maybe the Lamictal is helping with the agitation? I've decided I don't want to increase the Lamictal because of the cognitive effect & I doubt it will really help the depression. I just like the idea of helping more of a stabilizer w/ dexadrine.
> > At the risk of asking too many questions, please tell me what it feels like when you cycle out of depression.
> -- I may forget if I was even in a terrible state a few days ago. I may feel blah and can be more social, or it is not as had to be social. Hard to describe, but I don't feel like I could even feel like that the rest of my life.
> > Are you completely well after you cycle of of depression?
> ---- Not "well", just improved.
>
> > As an aside, I have a hunch that Valdoxan will stop your ultra rapid cycling. I hope so. My ultra rapid cycling stopped as soon as I started taking Valdoxan.
> >
> > There are some start-up side effects that I experienced for the first 4 or 5 days. Here are the side effects that I experienced:
> >
> > Insomnia and choppy sleep.
> >
> > Nightmares.
> >
> > Vertigo (inner ear reset) when turning in bed from my left side over to my right side.
> >
> > That's it. Ironically, once the side effects are gone, Valdoxan provides EXECELLENT sleep. The excellent sleep might be part of its therapeutic action???
>
>
>
poster:Ron Hill
thread:966574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120425/msgs/1016535.html