Posted by Vincent_QC on April 23, 2012, at 10:43:01
That's a shame to see that i'm disable from work for more than 5 years now... If I can remember well, 5 years ago I was feeling 1 000 000 times better than now, had only social anxiety who was severe but was able to drive, go out with friends, travel... but my Doc was saying that work was not for me, that it will make me more anxious... If I think about it, I think the major problem for me was to stop studying or working... by doing this I had and still have more time to think about my problems, more time to worry and my social anxiety who was severe is now turning out to be a nightmare, not only having social anxiety but dealing with severe anxiety in general with panic, health anxiety about my heart and my head mostly, intestinal obstructions, surgeries, pain, IBS, constipation, name it, I have all the anxiety symptoms that can exist...
I just read a lot of threads from peoples who seem to have "what they call severe anxiety or depression" and I wonder how those peoples can have work? The point is that I have severe anxiety and I only seem to survive, taking so many benzo pills and beta-blocker just to be sure I will survive day after day.... and can't have a real life, friends, going out of the house, driving my car or nothing else...little things like having a phone call, taking a shower or the sound of the winds or an airplane or just being alone at home will be anough to put me into a really bad state of anxiety, with panic, depersonalisation, insomnia, chest pain, headache all the time, jaw pain, teeth pain, eyes pain... can't even listen to music I love now cause I have gosebump and feel bad and have panic...that's so scary that I can't imagine myself having a work right now... I understand that in the USA meds cost a lot more than in Canada, also understand that welfare is not the same as where I live also, but the money I receive each month because i'm disable from work cause of the severe anxiety is as little as 500$...and on that I need to pay my parents for foods and pay some bills (phone, student loans...) can't pay to see a Psychologist for a therapy, can't pay for my meds but they are completly cover here (generic of course and not all of them ex:cymbalta, pristiq, lexapro... just to name a few)...
Don't know why I wanted to share this with you today... but I feel like I will never be able to work again or fight that severe anxiety... feel hopeless most of the time but not depressive... I want to do more things, go out to see my friends, drive my car and have a more active life but my body and brain refuse to let me do it and answer with strong symptoms who almost kill me...
5 years... that's a long time... can't wait to have my life back again...
poster:Vincent_QC
thread:1016230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120411/msgs/1016230.html