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Parnate and OCD problems

Posted by g_g_g_unit on March 4, 2012, at 2:20:37

So, Parnate has been playing havoc with my OCD and I was wondering if anyone could offer any insight. It would probably help if you're familiar with the inner workings of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Basically, I used to have a (minor) problem with alcohol (ab)use. When my OCD first flared up in my very early 20s, I would drink to excess in order to escape. This was only on certain occasions - i.e. parties on the weekend - and I was otherwise able to remain completely sober and attend college during the week. My behavior has always been somewhat all-or-nothing in that respect.

Anyway, I grew tired of the hangovers, acting out when drunk, etc. and developed greater self-control. I would still drink, though more occasionally (once every 1-2 months) and could limit myself to remaining comfortably drunk (5-6 drinks over the course of a night).

I've stopped drinking completely since becoming depressed, as I attend far less social events. However, I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend and found myself having approx. four glasses of white wine and two glasses of vodka. I don't feel I would've continued past that point, but it's difficult to say because my family was leaving and I was forced to accompany them.

I've been terrified ever since that I might start drinking at some social occasion in the future while on Parnate, be completely unable to control myself and end up dying.

My understanding is that there's no direct danger posed by alcohol (other than tap beer, and arguably red wine), but for some reason, my OCD is playing up on this fear .. e.g. I believe I might black out and eat the wrong food and die.

I mean, it seems most logical to just think I'll give up drinking. But at the same time, that feels like reassurance/obsessive avoidance, because there's no rationale to believe I will drink to the point of blacking out or losing control and dying (I felt drunk but mostly in control at the wedding). And then I think "what if I can't stick to a commitment to not drink and end up dying, etc.?"

It's just hard for me to know what's reasonable caution, what's obsessive, etc. I feel like I want to 'confess', be told that I have a 'substance problem' and be 'punished', even though I know that isn't really true.

I should add that I'm only taking 15mg (10mg at 8am + 5mg at noon) of Parnate. I've begun to see some benefits - I get a calming stimulant effect after each dose, and notice an improvement in concentration and alertness.

There are some downsides - I'm not sleeping well, and I feel a little worn out (my body aches for some reason).

So I'm not sure what to do .. these concerns become worst at night when the stimulant effect's worn off and I feel depressed. My logic is that if it does help my anxiety and OCD, these concerns might not seem as big a deal. But it's been really hard not to just give up the trial, which I'm worried I might regret given that there isn't much left for me to try, and I really don't wanna go back on SSRIs.

I haven't spoken to my OCD therapist yet - I see her next Wed. I told my psychiatrist and he wasn't concerned because he felt there was a difference between drinking and binge drinking (which he termed a consciously enacted self-destructive behavior, which wouldn't just occur without my awareness).

 

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