Posted by larryhoover on January 19, 2012, at 13:59:03
In reply to Larry Hoover, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on January 18, 2012, at 12:15:09
I've been observing your struggles for some time, and I think I can simplify what I see in some basic ideas. They are expectations, and life management.
Your difficulties with some drugs (addiction) and failure to respond to others, tells me that medication will not address your root difficulties with life. I perceive that you are looking for something to fix you, to make your life okay. I think your expectations are unrealistic.
And then there is your home life. My own family of origin was very dysfunctional. The role models my parents provided did not prepare me to interact with other people. What I took as normal was not typical at all. I am still working on adjusting the ways my childhood taught me to behave, and I am 54. It's a life's work to manage better.
I see your difficulties as psycho-social, rather than psycho-medical. You need a good teacher, and a good plan of study. We call that counselling, where I come from. I've had plenty, and it really helped.
Until you get away from your mother, I really doubt you can begin to address your own issues, because you are so enmeshed with her.
If you were on your own, and responsible for your own food and housing (physical work would also be a good thing, IMHO), you could begin to look at what's really going on in your head, without interference. I strongly recommend learning mindfulness. It's a cognitive discipline, and it requires some effort. But well practised, it will show you how your thoughts drive your anxiety, frustration, and inattentiveness. In time, you will develop a sense of confident self-awareness, and be much more able to choose how you respond to stressors, or simple day to day affairs.
I don't know a shortcut, or anything helpful that isn't also hard work. I just don't believe that your family has prepared you to manage your life. It's never too late to learn.
The key component, just now, I believe is counselling. You need to have a trusted person in your life, to discuss with you what are reasonable expectations, and how to work towards achieving goals. Nobody can do this for you.
I like what Dinah said in this regard. Superman, or Prince Charming, isn't going to come knocking on your door to save you. That's not a realistic expectation. Nor is drugging yourself to a functional life, I'm afraid.
Lar
poster:larryhoover
thread:1007663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120108/msgs/1007774.html