Posted by Dinah on September 28, 2011, at 14:50:10
In reply to Re: Dinah's got Tons of Wisdom for you, Matt, posted by SLS on September 27, 2011, at 22:16:10
I thank you both, but I do understand that words are easier than actions. I do understand how hard it will be for you, Matt.
What I wonder is, if your mother is not physically or emotionally abusive, if you could start developing the skills you need while still living at home? Treat your mother with basics of respect you would show anyone you lived with. Recognize that for now at least her rules are part of the landscape like a hill or a valley. They just are. No point in wasting effort trying to move the hill or fill in the valley. Becoming a mature adult doesn't rely on a location change. it relies on a more internal change.
Identify your goals. To be specific, goals that do not involve obtaining amphetamines. Which of your current behaviors is contributing to achieving those goals? Is your current attitude towards your mother achieving your goals? Your goals may be to move out. But perhaps an equally good goal is to develop those skills to help you successfully move out and live on your own. Start small and work from there. Unless you are happy with things as you are, developing responsible habits are in your best interests.
The funny thing is that if you act as if you are a responsible adult capable of living on your own, the actions eventually change the reality.
That's purely a pragmatic view.
poster:Dinah
thread:997889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110925/msgs/998164.html