Posted by B2chica on August 26, 2011, at 8:08:11
In reply to Re: so what's going on now... » B2chica, posted by floatingbridge on August 26, 2011, at 1:07:22
thanks jono.
klonopin makes me angry and aggitated and remeron makes me fat and does much of nothing.
i have heard a lot of people mention buspar on this site...maybe that's worth a mention.last night i had to mix my gabapentin with xanax cuz the gaba was making me loopy but i was still having major anxiety.
felt like just mixing all i had...:(***********************
fb
had pdoc appt tonight but tues i canceled it.
i have to call in three of my scripts though today and hopefully pick them up tonight. not sure what i'll do if i cant get more gabapentin.
the xanax, well the more i take the more it makes me want to 'eat my pills'...i dont know why. i think it lowers my inhibitions like drinking does and makes me want to just "do it"... so caution is warrented.ive always thought my moods were unpatternistic, however a good friend of mine says that you cant always see the puzzle when you're one of the pieces...meaning i may not be removed enough to see a pattern. i do believe that my moods cycle, just not in any regular patterned way. i was initially dx bipolar due to my reaction to certain medication, however with the exception of two incidences (from medication) i have never felt "euphoric". my "up" cycle consists of much energy but either aggitation, anger and irritability, or crazy mind processing, fast, complex, weird thinking, ego dystonic voices...visual weirdness etc.
my down always seem to get to suicidal ideation..some severe, some just ideation.i think there may be some seasonal effects in play as well but unsure.
***********************
CE.
thank you for the support. i was in therapy for 7 years give or take a few months...im done. mostly because i just cant afford it anymore. i've joined a health center instead so i can exercise. been able to do it 5-6 times a week. i think it is helping. but i feel kinda like a lost cause.
ive tried continuing on with my prenatal vitamins or taking centrum silver, i've tried two others that i cant think of the names right now... nothing really.the problem with my spirituality is this. i love my beliefs, my religion, but the more spiritual i become, the more closer to God...the less i want to be here. the more abhored i become with the human race. then i begin to feel such disdain for even myself...
this is not a good cycle. that is usually when i become more active in my suicidal thinking.
so for now i need to keep that at arms lengths, praying when i can, and involving my children with every aspect that way i dont get too caught up.i pretty much have this site these days and thats kinda it.
im feeling pretty hopeless right now. i just dont think theres an answer out there for me. and quite frankly i dont think i have the energy or the will power to ask for help anymore. i just want to sit and watch life go by. i think i just need to learn that my life will not change for the better and accept how it is now.
at least im on meds that i'm not gaining tons of weight.b2
poster:B2chica
thread:994851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110822/msgs/994894.html