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Re: Maybe this is as good as it gets... » mellow

Posted by floatingbridge on August 13, 2011, at 9:34:49

In reply to Maybe this is as good as it gets..., posted by mellow on August 12, 2011, at 22:46:27

Hi Mellow,

I am sorry you are having a difficult stretch. You have written very supportive and memorable posts to me. The distillation is to be open to recovery, that it may not be in the form I recognize it or ask for.

>I want to pull myself up by my bootstraps and live a life full of joy. I think I am just too sensitive for this world.

I sometimes want this too. A life of joy. Or I want to be 'happy'. I've been reexamining those desires. They seem, for myself, static and maybe false because they are ideals and therefore truly unobtainable. That said, I do want to feel happier, and want to feel joy more often. I am not sure if I have one wfull personality disorder, but I have what are the traits of a few (quite a few:J) Dinah provided a useful term: affective instability. I do feel things very intensely. Even joy can set be back. Finding a middle ground is difficult for me. I am quick to be aroused and can take hours (and hours) (and hours) to come back to a baseline. This affect dysregulation seems separate from yet fuels depression for me which is just a personal issue.

I have been reading that BPII and affective instability are often confused in dxing because they may present the same to a practioner/therapist and one experiencing instability.

This is just from my own reading as I am digging out. From what I have read, your meds seem to be from the one's of choice for both disorders, bipolar or affective instability.

If you feel you are too sensitive, my guess is that youbare very sensitive. Self talk and interpersonal therapies and therapeutic skills can help soothe this (I am soooo hoping) as can self-acceptance of medication (affective disorders such as, say borderline or Avoidant, two prominent for me, are being revealed as have potential genetic components. They certainly have biological aspects such as arousal times and intensities.). Medication, as I see it, and as much as I struggle with the idea of needing it, can also be seen as a gift of inquiry and kindness of human manufacture. Certainly herbals have been used for centuries with very little guilt involved.

>Morgan posted last week is really ringing true for me. It was
about how psychologically we stay in the cycle of unhappiness and depression because we are too afraid for
the ups and downs or occasional failures that a fully engaged
life will bring us.

I agree with the psychological cycles we can perpetuate. Therapy can help with skillful living within a sensitive body. If that is what is a factor for you. I am not sure what a fully engaged life would be. That you are not already fully engaged seems, I don't know, somehow self-critical. And yet I hear you that you are unhappy and maybe having to work to hard at being o.k.

>In short we are too afraid just to go out and
do it. I'm starting to think that is the case. I don't think drugs can help me. I think I may have a personality disorder and need some serious CBT to stop the negative self talk.

This sound good, but maybe not jettison the meds yet, however imperfect and annoying they may be, or even just disappointing. I don't know what serious cbt would be, but I can imagine that interpersonal and skill based therapy you find suitable, you will likely engage whole heartedly.

Darn, I wish I could put my hand to some good info I recently read about obsessive thinking. MIt can really come and go. If these intrusive thoughts you mention seem new in quality and content, they could be excellent material to bring into therapy.

Try not to despair, Mellow. You will make it through this. I think therapy is an excellent idea. You have my ongoing support.

fb


I dig a pony.

 

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