Posted by floatingbridge on April 10, 2011, at 1:09:47
In reply to Re: short question re: AP's + rispedal » floatingbridge, posted by hyperfocus on April 9, 2011, at 22:42:12
Thanks hp. I've mentioned amitriptylene to my gp. She's game, but after Lyrica nightmare wants me to do nothing and see. She mentioned doxepin too.
My pdoc hasn't been too keen on it. Doesn't think I'd tolerate the sides (?) well. Nor does he think I'd feel good on an AP.
Sometimes, I just get very, very worked up inside, like tangled and confused and convinced I am in a very special category
of 'bad'. Singled out for punishment, cast out by God, creation, everything my fault, the ptsd my fault because in the words of Cormac McCarthy 'what's wrong with [me] is wrong all the way
through me.' Just the wind could knock me over. Your basic intense self-loathing. In addition, when I can't sleep, I panic, and I believe sleep is the only
way to truly stop the psychic pain.
Some babblers use rispedal as needed to just stop that over the edge intensity. If I could just get that safety med. Right now, and for years, I've only had xanax. That does work, but I feel it's really further destabilizing. So I stay way below my xanax script in case of emergency, then dash 1-2 mg. I can sleep, but I don't want to do that anymore.
This all makes sense to you? I'm just talking off the top of my head. I don't self-injure, no suicide attempts, just at times I need something to just stop what feels like disintegration plain and simple. I usually don't act out (unless on Lyrica. Ha. Ha. :( ), just avoid and clam up.
Thanks for asking.
*a rose by any name