Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

First post in a while.. this is a step.

Posted by tom2228 on August 13, 2010, at 22:14:04

In reply to Re: Why do people stop participating in psychobabble?, posted by sigismund on August 11, 2010, at 15:05:50

kirby, your post touched me too and I want to let you know that it is giving me inspiration in a time when I really need it.. thanks. And also I'm really happy for you!

So. I only joined earlier this summer after being an onlooker for a few years -- first for info, lately for intellectual curiosity and support as I've begun to aggressively treat and attempt to squash my issues before I set off for college later this month. I didn't even post here for long at all, and just a couple of posts. But for some reason I stopped.

I need to post, post SOMETHING here. Perhaps it's because I'm coming up on my dose of Desoxyn (methamphetamine -- no, I'm not at all high or trying to be. I have severe ADHD; I simply feel like my brain is turning on.)... Or that I am realizing that I very much need to look my mental illness, the enemy, directly in the eye, even though it is like trying to stare at the sun. But it is the only way to learn of its weak spot(s) and take the beast down before it does the same to me. I am leaving in 14 days and I desperately need to be in a good place mentally.

I cannot say why I stopped posting, approx a month and a half ago, because I don't know the answer myself. And I do not mean to make this a drawn out diary entry but know that by putting this into words and publishing it, I am both accepting, and making the first step towards changing the fact that, I am lost.

It is so hard to ground yourself when you aren't even aware that you have lifted off... it's as if my mental illness pulled me away like a rip current -- and finally last night it was my therapist who blew the whistle and allowed me to see that I had drifted off.

When I joined here I was on shaky ground. I had been doing very well on Vyvanse + Trileptal, in terms of ADHD, depression, and mood stability. But my mood began to fall. It was a thread on here, the one about Hunk's seemingly life-changing experience with Nardil, that inspired me to realize that I had problems I wasn't addressing (social phobia), and this explained the low I was falling into.

So I decided I needed to aggressively treat my issues and started on MAOIs (Emsam), joining Babble to ask some questions... but for some reason I stopped posting shortly after starting Parnate. I guess as I started to feel different I just got caught up in the feelings of the new medicines..

The original post of this thread allowed me to see the problem. While it IS good to have faith that your medicines will work, I thought these miraculous MAOIs would save me. Knowing my treatment was getting into the area of very advanced pharmacotherapy, all I focused on was how to find the perfect last-resort combo that would take me to a tropical resort getaway in happyland.

I indeed got away.. from myself. I haven't been able to post because I've been too detatched, unstable, and unclear to function really. Thanks to this thread I'm realizing that mental illness, for us psychobabblers, will always be a part of who we truly are, and even the BEST meds won't erase our emotions from our subconscious. My current combo of Parnate, Desoxyn, and Depakote is far from perfect, and I must accept that it's going to take a lot more time than before I leave for school to get it right.

The lesson I'm learning here is that that meds cannot be a cure, rather they are a tool. Surely they will cross the BBB and get into my brain, but they're not gonna do jack sh1T for me unless I find a way, and the right way, to let them in my soul.

So I guess this isn't really a reason why people stop participating on Babble, but more so just another post that conveys a similar meaning to kirby's... most of us here are continually searching for the right med that's gonna let them get on with their life, perhaps effecting them to leave babble, but we must never forget what it is that brought us here in the first place. as much as we'd like to be free from the troubles we have, it is clear to me now that is doesn't matter how close attention we pay to the neuropsychopharmacology of our drug cocktails if we're not paying the same attention to our emotions and feelings. therapy has been immensely helpful to me and I wouldn't have made a fraction of the progress I've made without it.

And I realize that this post really could do with some summarization, lol. But as these are my true feelings, and I'm realizing how important it is not to ignore them, I don't want to edit this. So thanks to all who have taken the time to read it.

P.S. My god, this is the first post -- or any writing document, really -- that I have written LINEARLY rather than stopping every other sentence to spit out my randomly flowing ideas on the page before I forget them, then piecing the whole thing together -- which usually is such a struggle for me that I quit altogether. Thank you, Desoxyn (today is day 4)!!! I guess it looks like things are starting to look up for me ?!

Best wishes to all,
Tom


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:tom2228 thread:958110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100811/msgs/958515.html