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Re: Ready to OD » Maxime

Posted by Cherry Carver on February 7, 2010, at 9:32:29

In reply to Re: Ready to OD » sam K, posted by Maxime on February 1, 2010, at 15:36:03

Depakote is awful stuff. Lithium (at least in the tiny doses I was given when hospitalized) only made me want to take more of it until I felt nothing. Trileptal is an anti-seizure med. I read that it's like Tegretol but "with an oxygen stuck on it" <www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/trileptal.htm>. I've taken Tegretol and it drained nearly every ounce of fluid from my body in one night, leaving me so dehydrated I could barely move.

I say that only so you'll know I've tried these things, and many other meds as well. I don't know what bipolar type 2 is; I have always suspected that I am manic-depressive, but was never diagnosed as such because I have extreme panic disorder, for which I take Klonopin (currently 2 mgs; I have been down as low as 1 mg and as high as 3 mgs).

I suffer from suicidal thoughts too, and I have attempted suicide several times (the first time I was clinically dead, brought back and then put in the looney bin for awhile). I don't want to be put away again, so I have learned to ignore the impulse to kill myself, though the thought is always there.

So I know how you feel. And I don't know what to do about it. You have my complete sympathy, and it's helpful to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. It's the worst feeling in the world. It must be an insidious extension of my panic disorder. Klonopin controls it most of the time, but there are days when the fear is bigger than any drug can control.

All I can tell you is, DON'T TRY SUICIDE. More than likely, you will wind up hospitalized, not dead. Most emergency room personnel have NO CLUE how to treat attempted suicide victims except as criminals. I have been tied down to a table in leather restraints for as long as nine hours following a suicide attempt. The staff doesn't care how miserable or hurt you feel. They don't understand. They just want you to lie there and hold still.

You are better off alive, getting up every day in your own house and going to sleep in your own bed. If you have never been institutionalized, believe me when I tell you, it isn't a fun-house starring Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie. Death is going to come soon enough. Don't hurry it along.

(((hugs)))

> Yes, my diagnosis is bipolar type 2. I have been on Depakote and I was allergic to it. I've tried lithium but I was always toxic on it. I respond well to trileptal, maybe I should go back on that. All I know is that I can't handle these suicidal thoughts much longer.


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poster:Cherry Carver thread:935268
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