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Re: How do you know if you are bi-polar?

Posted by Cseagraves on May 21, 2009, at 20:23:43

In reply to How do you know if you are bi-polar?, posted by Cseagraves on May 21, 2009, at 19:20:57

I apologize, but I guess I need to give more info.

I have always had anger issues. Now that I am willing to sit back and listen to hubby and other family members, this is what they say.

I have always been extremely high (happy) or extremely low (anger more than depression), hardly ever even keeled. Family just learned to put up with me. Now over the past year and half anger has turned into extreme anxiety, fear, agoraphobia. My hubby says instead of as much anger now I am more hope (like when I start a new med) to despair and depressed (when med doesn't work.)

The first pdoc who dxd me with bi-polar gave me seroquel and just kept raising dosage on me. Could not tolerate it past 200 mgs without horrible side effects. It stopped the obsessive thinking but it never stopped anxiety. I am in what feels like constant fight or flight mode. Constant adrenaline pumping. Insomnia and nauseau are a constant, (although I take xanax for sleep).

Feel like I am on the outside looking in, not really a part of this world. Am always shaking. Feels like energy is there, but no motivation to do anything. This knot wells up in the pit of my stomach when I think of trying to clean house or work out. I have bad reactions to anti-depressants. Recently had awful experience with Zoloft and have tried others in the past (Paxil, Lexapro)no good. Never really considered myself depressed until the last six months or so because I have become more and more recluse.

Recently tried Nardil and over three weeks made me incredibly ill and never helped me to feel better at all. Made me start vomiting after third week.

Things are getting worse. Was just thinking I had extreme anxiety, but I can't go out of the house hardly at all. I want to, but I become so fearful because I feel so strange that I dont want to go anywhere. It feels like a chore to have to communicate with anyone outside the house.

Tried to go out to eat tonight and grocery store with husband. Just wanted to hurry up and eat and get out of there. When we went to the grocery store, was in panic the whole time and just wanted to get home. I dont feel apart of life.

Manage to get some things done around the house (laundry, dishes and barely taking care of my kids) but thats about it. Used to care about how I looked and dressed. I care, but my whole body and head tenses up at the thought of doing anything. My husband says I look like I am in total despair all the time, very pale and can tell the stress is taking its toll on my looks.

Seems what started out as extreme anxiety and panic 1 1/2 years ago has also pulled down into depression because I feel like I am losing everything.

Constant pressure (extreme tension) in head all the time until I take my meds to go to sleep which is 7.5 of remeron and 1.5 xanax. Only time I seem a little relaxed then and can manage to get some sleep, but it is never good sleep. Have tried to take these during the day but don't seem to do much.

Still have some seroquel in the cabinet and was thinking of taking that again until I get back into pdoc which won't be until next Wednesday.

Am falling deeper and deeper into despair now. Feel constant guilt about what I am doing to everyone else's life around me, especially by kids. Am losing weight like crazy, no appetite. Have to force down food. Might feel o.k. somedays but mostly I just feel awful because I feel like I am losing my life and my mind. So maybe I am bi-polar. Have no idea any more.

Thanks,
Courtney


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poster:Cseagraves thread:897028
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090515/msgs/897039.html