Posted by garnet71 on April 20, 2009, at 16:26:22
Would fear of losing control of my thoughts substantiate the need for a mood stabilizer or something else?
I don't have a way to explain this in concrete terms...I'm not having racing thoughts, anxiety..but just some sort of fear that one day, I'll wake up and lose control of everything.
I've started to open the mail again, and it is bad news. I think i've been in denial - to protect myself - by ignoring serious issues. Denial about how serious my current situation is.
So when I opened the mail today-there was my financial aid 'award' for grad school - there is no aid. I'm not sure if I qualify for all those loans and could handle $100,000 in student loans when I graduate. I'm not going to medical school!! But if i don't finish grad school, I feel like my life is going to fall apart and I won't be able to get a decent paying job enough to cover current debt/student loans I already have.
Then there was a denail for food stamps because I couldn't send documents back to the state. I just haven't been able to get myself to do it, and totally ignored the deadline (well i didn't check to see that one existed).
This doesn't count all the bills I haven't opened and some other things....I haven't been able to take the necessary steps to sell my home. I've done some things.
My car inspection is expiring this month and I don't have $2000 for all the repairs to fix the engine; at least $1500 just to pass inspection.
It just seems like one additional thing is just going to set me off. I think i'm running out of coping mechanisms. I used to be so tough; I could handle anything and just push on. Now I am such a wimp.
So would a mood stabilizer prevent a mental breakdown? I'm scared. I need my doctor's help.
poster:garnet71
thread:891794
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090416/msgs/891794.html