Posted by Vincent_QC on March 22, 2009, at 7:32:44
Hi everyone, it's time for a new post...that's been a while since I don't post something new...even if I don't have anything new to say about myself...
My PDoc offer to me so try the new Pristiq the next month, it will be avaible in April in the Canada...he will have some sample box... BUT i'm really not sure about this one.
I read a lot of bad stuff about this med and it's also another kind of Celexa-Lexapro gimmick patented trick just to keep the price higher...remove the inactive isomater of the Effexor will change nothing i'm sure. I also read a lot of bad stories about the fact the Pristiq increase a lot the anxiety level, and I remember that when I try the Effexor-XR (march to june 2008), I had to go to a high dosage of more than 400mg/day because of my gastric by-pass and the fact that it was not all assimilate in my intestine...I was able to see some small balls on the water of the toilet...(sorry...lol)... and I had to increase A LOT my Xanax intake at the same time, it was not a coincidence, my brains was craving for benzos with the Effexor...I never felt this before... so much that I ended up at the hospital for high addiction of Xanax...more than 8-to 12mg /day of it. I was on the Effexor-XR for more than 3 months at 400mg-450mg/day.
So I fear the Pristiq for a lot of reasons. I'm confuse cause it's another extended release pill, but this time, it's seem to come into pills form, not capsule form with small rounds plastic balls. Someone can confirm this to me please? If it come into pills format, I will be able to crush the pill and take it in powder and see this time what a SRNI can do on me, the gastric by-pass will not interact this time??? I think???
Someone can confirm also if it will worse my benzos intake or not? If so, do you think the increase anxiety will return to it normal level after 6-8 weeks on the Pristiq? Do you think someone who was on a MAOI before will have any benefit to get on a SRNI, since all the SSRI's fails before and the TCA's seem to be just like the SSRI's with worse side-effects???
In the mean time, I ask my PDoc to have a small dose of Topamax as a weight loose med....because with the Lexapro and the Clomipramine experience from the fall and the winter , I gain a beautifull 55 pounds and my appetise is so big, I can eat all day long...so i'm on 50mg for now, and I don't see any difference, I just want to eat all day long...the more I eat and the more I want to eat and the more I feel guilty because I know I will get more fat...that's a never ending circle... I'm sure that when I will reach the 100mg in 2 weeks, things will change...for now nothing to say...just that I feel a decrease of my cognitives functions...but that's a normal side-effect on that med...with the benzos it's also a more pronounced effect...more sedation from my Valium pills also, so I sleep more at daytime and less at night time...
I also have a strange pain inside my head. The pain I often describe bnefore in others posts...but that's now a constant pain. Like someone play with my brain and push on it...sometimes it's on the left side, sometimes on the right side, sometimes on the front, sometimes on the neck...that's never at the same place.
My friend who is a nurse call it nevralgia pain and say that I can't do nothing about it, that's probably just anxiety... but I think it's more something like a new daily persistent headache or a tension-type headache. I always have a small headache everyday of my life since june 2006, related to stop drinking alcohol daily cold turkey...but since last tuesday night, I begin to have a more strong form of headache or pain inside my head that I cannot categorize...Sometimes I just think it's because I need more benzos and my brains crave for more...so I pop-up an extra Valium or two...but that's change nothing. I take some Motrins, Advils or Tylenols and they don't help either. The pain stay their all the times...all day long, even when I wake up in the morning and get more strong in the evening, especially when I have to do social exposure and get out of the house, that's also more painfull when I walk or do some physical exercises like walking... I was thinking it was the coffee so I stop drinking it completly....that change nothing, it was worse and I was sleeping more at daytime... Maybe I get some hypervygileance symptoms again and just get fixed around this strange headache???
Last time it was around my blood pressure and my heart, now it's about my head and the fact that I fear to have a seizure or something like this...anyway...that's strange...someone experience this strange headache, pain or migraine that comes everyday and never leave you alone ??? Do you think it will dissepear soon or that it's related to the anxiety or that's it nevralgia???
Another question. I really see an improve on the Parnate, around 20mg without any BIG side-effects, just sedation and a more physical fatigue related to slow pulse rate and a small increase of BP that never leave me alone after anyway, but for my social phobia and for the decrease of my benzos intake, it was wonderfull, should I return on it, at least at 10mg until I meet my PDoc again the 6th April??? I have something like 22 pills of 10mg leftover. Since I don't know if the Marplan importation will be approved one of these day, I don't even think it will be approved anyway, don't seem to positive and the PDoc don't seem to care and to be very interresting in it...should I do this without telling him??? Because for now, my anxiety level never get so high. The clomipramine experience leave me in a really weird mood with an extra social anxiety and general anxiety that I can't handle anymore, the pins and needles sensation I had on the clomipramine stay after I stop it...strange no??? The increase food intake also...and I hate that!!!
My Valium intake was before 20mg/day, now i'm taking more than 30mg/day, sometimes more. I take 50mg of Seroquel at bedtime to sleep but I have now rebound insomnia, so I sleep maybe 2-3 hours maximum. I'm tired as hell, I can stay in my bed all day long and it's really hard to get clean and dress, take a shower and go out at night. It's also hard to get things done, clean my room, do my laundry, take my appointments, take decisions, begin something and make a positive move in my life...
I want to begin to go to the gym with a friend and to stop smooking...but forget it...I lack any motivation even if I really want to do it!!! I really want to change my lifestyle but for god's sake I can't!!! What is wrong with me???
My psychologist stop my CBT after 6 appointments because I was not able to pratice my social exposure time and didn't have any motivation...she say that I need a Schema theraphy. Well, I just feel like my mental state decrease and that I just get more and more sick. She said that i'm A WAY too much negative, that she's not surprise that the others are not interresting in me because i'm not reflecting a good image. That I keep a self-defense system that I have since my childhood that is not appropriate for an adult of 33yo and that I need to change it to be able to make new friends and to be able to change my life. She also say that if I don't change my character, I will end my life alone and sick!!! She was really nasty with me...anyway she told me she didn't had a lot of affinities with me and I told her the same thing. She said that I was not ready to change my life and that I was lacking any motivation and that I was always blaming the others people who want to try to help me and that I was always not satisfied with the services I recieve...like the PDoc or the others psychologists for example.
She's so wrong... Everyone, who will wait more than 1 year to meet a PDoc, because in the Quebec province (Canada), it's a public system, so you wait on a wating list and take the PDoc they give to you...you cannot choose the one you want...So when you see that the PDoc they give to you take the same road that the other PDoc you had before, prescribe the same meds, even if you told him they don't work, that it will not help you...things like this... everyone who will experience this will feel DISAPOINTED and not satisfied about the services he recieved no??? IS it me or I missing a point here???
If my family Doctor give me a reference paper to see a PDoc, it's because he was out of solution for me, even if it's a Doctor who is a specialist in anxiety problems and he do a lot of research in that field... he wanted to help me and he was sure that refer me to a PDoc will help me to improve more faster with newer solutions...but that's not the case.
The proof, when I return to see my Family Doctor, he told to me the last time that he is disapointed about the way i'm treat at the psychiatrict hospital!!! He don't understand why the two PDoc I meet since 1 year give to me the exactly same meds he tries on me a lot of years before!!! He say that they take the same roads than him and that second tries of meds are normally not good!!! You see, that's a lovely Family Doctor...he laught always about my situation...even if it's not funny...at least he is honnest...but I think he begin to be tired of me also, the last time I see him I ask him when I take my next appointment and he said "let some months pass away before call for another appointment..." I say in my minds...well...I think he is tired of you!!! lol
Anyway...that's not normal to wait more than 1 week before someone call you back at the psychiatrict hospital when you have a problem with a med...that's what happen to me 2 weeks ago... Do you think it's normal to feel disapointed about the services I recieve??? I think my satisfaction level is justify and the psychologist was wrong...she need to return to school or read again her DSM-IV book and be more carefull with her patients or at least have more compassion. I don't think a Schema therapy will help me more...My frustration level is normal, when things don't improves after several years and you see your life decrease like this and you see that you loose precious time and that you are already 33yo and that you don't finish anything in your life, you don't finish school, you don't work, you don't have money, you have school loans to refund (20 000$), you have nothing to you, no money at all, no car, the only thing I have is CD's and one bed...heuuuuu...sorry but that's normal to be frustrated no??? Sorry if i'm bitchy with some people like PDoc or psychologists or pharmacists who seem to lack some professionnal skills... Sometimes I feel like I know more things than them!!! That's not normal, I don't study in the medical field!!! Anyway... It's also normal I think to be a little bit sarcastic...i'm like this...black humour...it's a part of me...that's probably a life saver in my case...if people can't tolerate this part of me, what can I do? Anyway...out of subject again...
Before the Parnate experience back in December, I never experienced heart problems or even complain about others side-effects that completly take the control of my life...now that's seem the side-effect and the disease take the total control of my life and I don't know how to stop this whole process...I just need some advise... Thanks for your precious help!!!