Posted by Fivefires on March 10, 2009, at 13:55:57
In reply to Re: SS??? or What??? Losin' It Real Bad - Help? » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on March 10, 2009, at 0:45:40
The depression WILL NOT LIFT! I have become constantly blue. And, my fam' has dumped me until I will go 'get off all medications'. Well they didn't dump, actually they just ignore me. One insults me. One cannot get to me. One is busy. My mother thinks this 'tough love' will prompt me to detox (and it has to be off everything and they told me I'd have to have pain under control and it isn't) and until then, I am sort of the child that didn't succeed; the failure; the bad one; responsible for what has happened to me because of my choices. Yep; I chose 'to dwell'. This never makes sense to me. If a thought comes into my mind, I treat it like any other, either do it or forget it. I don't have some journal listing the traumas of my life so I can find one to 'DWELL' on! And, I can't seek comfort. All but one will allow.
Guess the astrologists were right. This is definite persecution comin' at me from every direction.
Afa Provigil, if they're not going to take into account the tolerance and be as unkind as it is to not give me some when I need to so badly for a very important appt, screw it. I don't want it anyway!
See .. after all these years, and all the pp I know here, you are the only one hanging w/ me. I think I'm dying at a young age and making arrangements because I can't get anyone to take me seriously and fix the imbalances in my body.
It's the endo appt on Fri I really thought might help. But I'm starting to feel tired now. The Provigil is leaving my bod'. Hate to cancel. I really get low; the height of my bed; and just ......... S T A Y there until a bodily necessity occurs.
I want to write a POA because of the armed brigade that came to my house who were told I was slurring and may need to be taken to the county sanitarium. This person I'd called heard my voice and thought it sounded 'slurrish'. 1) This person, I don't think, had ever talked with me before. 2) The person didn't bother to ask me if I was feeling alright?
See, I'm their property! The county's property.
Director just called the police and sent eight cars of them here to take me away.
Right b4 they got here, my mother ran in the door. My daughter called her as the Director had called my daughter, not me. So daughter alerted my mother and me 'they were coming to take me away ho ho hey hey'! (She didn't sing it tho'. Ha?)
She could have had me committed at this county sanitarium in a city 2hrs from here.(?)
I'm not this mentally ill that I need to be in an institution, or, at least I'm not yet.
If I keep feeling no happiness, caregivers are unkind and do not seem committed to helping me regain good feelings and thoughts.
It just occurred to me what's going on. They think I'm borderline and they're just sorta' carrying me along. There's no trying to find a combination to lessen this depression here. There is only ____________ and a family that is only kind to me if they know something I'm going to do is going to possibly hurt me.(?)
There's no one here to 'hug' me.
I'm gettin' drowsy. Can't edit below.
in seeing me regain a good life, and fam' ignores, some strength and not and family ignores me, they are unkind to take me away!!!I would have said 'yep, formulary ditched hydrocodone 10/650 and my pdoc put me on oxycontin and I feel a little lala'ish. Instead, she took it upon herself, a woman who has never even met me, to threaten me with commitment!!! I don't have a man or woman to stand in front of me and say she is fine. Back off. I'm alone, and if they pull some crazy stunt like this again, I'd better have a POA so someone else can tell them to back off, ... because I sorta' freeze up and find it difficult to speak when many armed men come walking towards me in my living room :-[.
Pls stay w/ me Phillipa and all; I'm going nowhere too fast.
tks, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:884637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090304/msgs/884741.html