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Re: SS??? or What??? Losin' It Real Bad - Help?

Posted by Fivefires on March 9, 2009, at 22:04:22

In reply to Re: SS??? or What??? Losin' It Real Bad - Help? Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on March 9, 2009, at 17:14:14

> Five Fires sure you're not manic or psychotic?>

I could be manic, though I have only felt what I suppose to be manic when took 450mg Eff-XR. I was running around like a busy bee all day w/ a visitor here. Woke up the next morning and remembered nothing so called visitor and he said, 'oh, we just talked and you were busy doing your housework'.

Psychotic? What would you mean or how would I identify that I am psychotic??????

I don't think so. All these feelings and thoughts were of being scared I'd not be able to do my NADLs for a whole week and cancel appts. It just freaked me out. And then as below.

>Seriously worried about you. Mayber the ER is the best place to be Assessed.>

No ER.

>Could have taken too many pills?>

>This morn' thought had two Pr*vi*ils and a 3/4. I planned to take one of the two full ones, then I'd have one for tomorrow and a 3/4 for Weds. But, I was distracted by something. I'm having a hard time staying focused on one thing. I came back to find one and a 3/4 there. I took the one 'cuz thought I must have been wrong when first looked this a.m. because I didn't have a glass or water bottle there by them. Maybe I did somehow take one o_o b4 distracted, and returned and thought I'd not done so and took one. As well, I was just then talking to the sec of pdoc and she said they'd not give me any for a week or so, and this really upset me. I have cancelled a neuro Tue and had finally gotten an endo scheduled for Fri but don't know if will make it now. Does anyone know of anything OTC that would help me or website w/ anything?

This depression is so bad, w/o Provigil, won't hardly let me get up; just don't care; and don't care how I look; and don't care what people think; like fed up; like I've given my best and this is what I get? No hope or happiness. Haven't felt happy for over a year for over maybe five minutes. I'm so very scared I'll end up homeless and w/o a man to love and be loved by. I am pretty and nice figure but don't go anywhere because no money and guys these days want to know where you work and they're really into a lot of other things you bring into a relationship, besides love, I think. Don't you? I can't stand to be alone. I don't/didn't/wouldn't choose to be alone. But I am a smoker and I'm into freedom. Children or mother or a sister would have me standing outside in the rain, sleet, snow, hurricanes, just to have a smoke. My mom won't tell me her plans. All sibs employed, have home, 2cars, love. I alone w/ nothing, I guess because I've been wrong about how to be loved. My thinking has always been ... be myself ... no acting ... and if he loves you this way, this is what will make me happy. But, watched a Dr. Phil that says you have to actually do certain things that you don't prefer to do or are unnatural, you have to plan, and you do these things TO KEEP YOUR PARTNER. Like one is acting interested in what he does. Another is complimenting him. If I'm not interested, I guess I've thought it would be like a mistruth to act as if I was and it would show. To compliment someone on something that they've changed or are wearing 'just becuz' it keeps him w/ you' also feels like a mistruth. I mean sometimes I like a smell or a shirt or what a guy is doing and truly like or am interested and I say so. I just didn't know you were supposed to do it a lot, ya' know even when nothing struck you as interesting. I remember my first husband said something when he left. It was, 'You never even came and watched me surfed!' I didn't really get it. Don't we do things because WE enjoy them regardless of what another thinks. Someone should have taught me add in a few sorta 'little white lies' periodically. So, I've had all these long intense relationships, all a bit different, and here I sit alone. Some I ended, some were a toss up. Do you do the 'act interested' and 'compliment' things to keep love?

Feeling better. Took my Xanax-XR and a reg. Xanax.

I told you all about the police too right? I'm scared of 'em. I need a POA w/ (I have 3children) daughters names on. Shall I do a living will ya' think? You see, I am like 'property of the county' right now. They could 'fly ne over the cuckoos nest' at a county or state facility; scary.

Sorry I ran over some of your words.

Tks for stayin' w/ me here Phillipa and all of you. I wish we could have a group hug. I wish I could meet some of you one day. I prob' will be like dead weight in my bed beginning tomorrow and prob' last a good 3-4days. I'll try get back because ...


OTCs or site if need be my dr puts me in harm's way; I mean very harm, harm's way.

Have sweet dreams

You are all the best

>Love Phillipa>

u2 5f




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