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I need to know there is another option

Posted by meltingpot on March 9, 2009, at 8:42:59

Hi,

I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately but whilst I have Zyprexa I wouldn't act on them.

The thing is when I feel at my worst, all I want to do is just die and then I start to feel even worst because I wouldn't know how to do it. I think when I'm feeling at my worst suicide is the last thing and yet the only thing I want to do (well I suppose it would be the last thing I did)

I've thought about hanging myself but I have no idea how to tie a noose, then you have to find a high enough tree in the middle of nowhere to do it. I can't imagine scurrying in the woods in the middle of the night, especially when I'm at my worst. I have no incentive to do anything.

I thought about Carbon Monoxide poisoning but then I've read that cars with catalyst converters aren't good for that and I can't imagine being calm enough to just sit in the car and wait for death to come and get me. Also, I'd have to find somewhere really quiet and secluded to park my car.

I thought about parachuting and jumping but not opening the shute but then I'd have to do two days training before I could do a solo jump. Then you never know I might not die, some people survive falls.

Why does suicide seem so hard?

My friend had an elderly couple living next door to him, the were both in their 90s. The elderly gentleman died one night and then the lady said to my friend that she didn't intend being around for much longer. That same night she went to bed and didn't wake up.

I keep wondering what did she take that made it so easy.

I don't intend taking my life whilst there are drugs out there that help to some extent (although not as much as I'd like) but I'd like to know that I could do it if I chose to.

This probably sounds irrational but it would be a comfort to me to know if all else failed there would be another option.

I know we are not supposed to talk about such things on this board and I feel very guilty (especially when I think of my mum) even bringig it up but please babblemail me if you can offer any advice, as bizzare as this may sound.


Thanks....Denise


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